The only time I set the bar low is during a game of limbo
I love the way the Earth rotates. It really makes my day.
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went

Note: Drawing of a selfie stick [pic]

If everyday is a gift, then today I received a pair of socks

There is no ‘U’ in awesome, but there is a ‘me’

I really need to step up my stair puns
I wonder if the ocean is salty because land doesn't wave back
Lets wrap this up lickety split, I've got Pokemon to catch
Welcome to the show Ramona! Another foil!

Note: Ramona = Ramona Shelburne, a new panelist to the show

Ban pre-shredded cheese. Make America grate again
My favorite team is procrasti, and I’m thinking about joining their nation, but I’ll decide later
I had a neck brace fitted years ago, and I never looked back
I wear a Speedo when I want the entire pool deck to myself
Things Meat Loaf would do for love

Note: Pie chart showing "anything" and "that" [pic]

USGA ruled today Irving's shot was a 2-pointer
I like to hold hands at the movies...which always seems to startle strangers
I lost my junk food eating contest because I had a chip on my shoulder
Some people need a good pat on the back


The ATH producer has asked me to keep the lights off in my studio
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