100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich have horses. How the stables have turned
A lot of conflict in the wild west could have been avoided if they had built their towns big enough for another person
I just had a once in a lifetime experience. I’ll never be doing that again
My neighbor knocked on my door at 2AM. Can you believe it, 2AM? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me
Nothing good happens at 3AM, including my sleep
6:30 is the best time on the clock, hands down
I’ve expanded my skills. I can now forget what I’m doing while I’m actually doing it
Why do they put 4 wheels on shopping carts when only 3 of them ever work?
If I’ve told you once I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!
you can
read this
you don't
need glasses
you're already wearing them
then I guess you do need glasses

insist on

Beard, clean-shaven or paper bag?
These days teens wash their own mouths out with soap
I have an irrational fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it

Woody’s Tip Of The Day:
Hiring an electrician without eyebrows is generally not a good idea

When someone yells “Stop.” I never know if it’s in the name of love, if it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen
Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside
I said it once, and I’ll say it again. It.

My New Year’s Resolutions:

  1. Stop making lists
    B. Be more consistent
  2. Learn to count
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