For those who haven't done so, please do so now

I can melt ice with my mind…
it just takes a few minutes

I am a recovering vegetarian
Does a home school mom hold parent-teacher conferences with herself?

Beware of good deals on:
1. Brain sugery
2. Tattoos
3. Parachutes

I was an honor student. I don't know what happened
A kayaker hit a sofa; swimmer hit Tim Couch
A four-way stop is an I.Q. test you take in public
A breeze on a hot day is like standing in front of a giant hairdryer

If at first you do succeed, try not to look so surprised

Rio athletes advised to keep their heads above water. Thus, the fastest dog-paddler will take home the gold
Opening Ceremony 2016 Rio Olympics

Note: drawing of stick figure lighting a giant citronella candle [pic]

In a world full of Kardashians, be a Woody
I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram
If you think you're stupid, just remember Pablo is outside looking for Pokemon

Note: Pablo = Pablo Torre, another panelist on the show

Woody's Advice of the Day:
If you lost something, it will be in the last place you look for it
I was standing outside a bar last night. I was outstanding!

Phoenix has a dry heat…
and I'm the

Note: Woody was in Phoenix

I try really hard, but this guy keeps failing me

Note: Arrow pointing at Woody [pic]

Waffles are just pancakes with abs


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