If one piece of bacon takes nine minutes off your life, I should have died in 1953
I am getting many offers from men wanting to be my driver, butler, etc. Obviously, they didn’t quite get the meaning

I just burned 3,000 calories.
I left the cookies in the oven too long.

I need professional help…
a driver, a butler and a massage therapist

I generally avoid temptation, unless I can’t resist it
Starting today, whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits Reali

Note: Reali = Tony Reali, the host of ATH

Too far to see

If you weigh 200 pounds on Earth, you’ll weigh 75 pounds on Mars. You’re not overewight, you’re on the wrong planet.

Trattoria Il Panino’s
soup of the day:
“soup du jour”

Visit the bracket champ David Ledbury, at Trattoria Il Panino in Boston North End
I have a big to-do list today. I just don’t know who’s going to do it
Mind over matter does not matter, and I don’t mind
This chapstick I have on today is the balm!
I tried it at home

Note: Drawing of a man on fire [pic]

My parents should have let me run with scissors
Every bad thing that happens today is a direct result of choosing to get out of bed
Some people won’t admit to their faults. I would if I had any
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke
I have so many sources I have to outsource them

My life is a box of chocolates…
left in the sun too long

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