They call it a “selfie” because “narcisseitie” is too hard to spell
Yes, it hurt when I fell from heaven

Today I’m giving my best opinion by telepathy…
as you know

Procrastination is a dish best served eventually

You know what I hate?
People who answer their own questions

“Memory foam pillow fights”:
That’s one fight you’ll never forget

If at first you don’t succeed, don’t try skydiving
I’ve never been skydiving, but I’ve zoomed in on Google Earth really fast
My life coach just informed me that I didn’t make the team
May the cinco be with you
Life is a soup, and I’m a fork
May the fourth be with you

[pic]

I want my tombstone to say, “It didn’t make me stronger.”
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five to six times just to be sure
With enough preparation, I can be very spontaneous
I hate it when I see an old person and realize they were a year behind me in school
If one piece of bacon takes nine minutes off your life, I should have died in 1953
I am getting many offers from men wanting to be my driver, butler, etc. Obviously, they didn’t quite get the meaning

I just burned 3,000 calories.
I left the cookies in the oven too long.

I need professional help…
a driver, a butler and a massage therapist

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