What are those flowers with blue blossoms and yellow centers? I forget.
Calm down. Take a deep breath…and hold it for 20 minutes.
I’m never overwhelmed or underwhelmed. I’m always whelmed.
I’ve been asked to join a think tank…I think not
“I’m sorry” and “My bad” mean the same thing…unless you’re at a funeral
If you think my chalkboards are ridiculous, you should see my life choices
When one door closes, open it again, because that’s how doors work
I don’t think inside the box. I don’t think outside the box. I don’t even know where the box is.
Don’t adjust your television set. I really am this handsome.
I want truth, justice and the American way. I never get my way
For those who haven’t done so, please do so now
I am a recovering vegetarian
Does a home school mom hold parent-teacher conferences with herself?
I was an honor student. I don’t know what happened
A kayaker hit a sofa; swimmer hit Tim Couch
A four-way stop is an I.Q. test you take in public