Everything I know in life, I learned from watching Howdy Doody
Of course I have no plan B. I never had a plan A

Black Friday:
Because only in America, people trample others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have

Eat beef

Note: Drawing of a turkey holding a sign [pic]

If you think there’s nothing that’s impossible, obviously you’ve never tried slamming a revolving door

Spoiler Alert!
The milk in my fridge is 2 weeks past its expiration date

I get knocked down all the time, but I always get right back up.

Note: Drawing of bowling pins [pic]

Name the triangles


The meaning of life?
The period between birth and death

The credit card company called me and said my bill was a year old. I said,
“Happy Birthday!”

After exercising, I eat six doughnuts.
Just kidding!
I don't exercise

Today is World Sandwich Day. Eating a hot dog doesn’t count, Mina
For those of you who didn’t get the first chalkboard, it was a pumpkin and a knife. Get it? Pumpkin carving
7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror. As you might imagine, today is a big day for me

Limbo champion walks into a bar…
he’s disqualified

Procrastination is a good thing. You’ll always have something to do tomorrow and nothing to do today
The only thing flat-earthers fear is sphere itself

I avoid clichés like the plague with every fiber of my being

People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome
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