I send telegrams. They don’t get hacked.
A convincing stick-on mustache is hard to pull off
I want to quit my bad habits, but I am no quitter!
I’ve never shot a gun; that would be a strange target
I bet Rick Astley struggles with Lent
I actually am the enema of the American people
My problem is I dot my T’s and cross my eyes
I cannot convince my ducks to line up in a row

Why do they call the product “Depends”?
Depends on what?

I have two rules in life:

1. Write everything down
2. I forget number two
Tony, would you like to buy a vowel


Cowlishaw’s brain has too many tabs open

Note: Cowlishaw = Tim Cowlishaw, another panelist on the show

Do I have a date for Valentines Day? Yes. February 14th
I’m going to spend Valentines Day with my ex…box one
I only moisturize my hair under one condition
Frank, may the rest of your day be as pleasant as you are

Note: Frank = Frank Isola, another panelist on the show

New studio, old panelist
Volume control. I didn’t come with that option
Time is precious. Waste it in a timely manner
Without me it’s just aweso
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