Woody’s Chalkboards (2009)

Quip Date Note
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions! Dec. 28, 2009
A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other Dec. 28, 2009
Mariotti is the head elf Dec. 23, 2009 Mariotti = Jay Mariotti, another panelist on the show.
Dear Santa, I can explain… Dec. 23, 2009
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobics Dec. 22, 2009
Fish and Christmas visitors smell in 3 days Dec. 22, 2009
Santa Claus has the right idea—visit people only once a year Dec. 22, 2009
An xmas shopper’s complaint is one that’s long-standing Dec. 21, 2009
Xmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money Dec. 21, 2009
Xmas is a time when you get homesick, even when you’re home Dec. 21, 2009
One thing I can give and still keep: My word Dec. 18, 2009
I should keep my words soft and sweet in case I have to eat them Dec. 18, 2009
Two words: show cowdown Dec. 18, 2009
Patience is a virtue, it’s a waste of time Dec. 17, 2009
I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying Dec. 17, 2009
It’s good to be clever, but not to show it Dec. 16, 2009
Speak softly and carry a big stick, you will go far Dec. 16, 2009
Man who runs behind car is exhausted Dec. 16, 2009
Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee Dec. 11, 2009
Sports do not build character. They reveal it. Dec. 11, 2009
Be of use, but don’t be used Dec. 10, 2009
Aim low, reach your goals, avoid disappointment Dec. 10, 2009
A friend is someone who has the same enemies you have Dec. 9, 2009
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid all together Dec. 9, 2009 It should be “altogether”. “Altogether” is an adverb, modifying the verb “avoid”, meaning “completely or utterly”. “All together” is just a phrase that means that things are in a group. Example: “My family was gathered all together for Thanksgiving and we were altogether disappointed by my mother’s cooking.”
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself Dec. 9, 2009
The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing Dec. 8, 2009
A wise man does not need advice and a fool won’t take it Dec. 8, 2009
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity Dec. 8, 2009
First take will always be cold pizza to me Dec. 7, 2009 Cold Pizza” was a show on ESPN2 that Woody was co-host of for a while.
Who’s on first? No, who’s the headliner? Dec. 7, 2009
If at first you don’t succeed, go to 2nd base Dec. 7, 2009
Do sailors play Around Cape Horn? Dec. 4, 2009
Did General Custard play Around the Big Horn? Dec. 4, 2009 I’m not sure if Woody’s joking or not, so, in the interest of being historically accurate, the famous General at The Battle of the Little Big Horn was “Custer”, not “Custard”.
Do seamstresses play Around the Torn? Dec. 4, 2009
Do players in D.C. play “Around the Zorn”? Dec. 3, 2009 Zorn = Jim Zorn, the head coach of the Washington Redskins.
Do Plaschke’s friends play “Around the Forlorn”? Dec. 3, 2009 Plaschke = Bill Plaschke, another panelist on the show.
Do baby doctors play “Around the Born”? Dec. 3, 2009
Do people from Nebraska play Around the Corn? Dec. 2, 2009
Do wildebeest have a show called Around the Horns? Dec. 2, 2009
If you love me, honk your Around the Horn Dec. 2, 2009
Starring in movie remake of “Blackboard Jungle” Dec. 1, 2009
Walk the walk; Talk the talk; Chalk the chalk Dec. 1, 2009
Sorry about Monday. Got hung up in Cabo. Dec. 1, 2009 Reference to the fact that there was no Chalkboard on Nov. 30.
Never look back unless you’re planning to go that way Nov. 24, 2009
A person who never makes mistakes never makes anything Nov. 24, 2009
Insanity is hereditary, you can get it from your kids Nov. 24, 2009
A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway Nov. 23, 2009
If love isn’t a game, then why are there so many players? Nov. 23, 2009
The two most common elements on this show are hydrogen and stupidity Nov. 23, 2009
My homework is like a steak—rare and never well done Nov. 20, 2009
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them Nov. 20, 2009
Research is what I’m doing when I don’t know what I’m doing Nov. 20, 2009
Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear Nov. 19, 2009
I’m not into working out. My philosophy: no pain no pain Nov. 19, 2009
Food is an important part of a balanced diet Nov. 18, 2009
More lightning round please Nov. 18, 2009
Dust is a protective coating for fine furniture Nov. 18, 2009
This is not an optical illusion, it only looks like one Nov. 16, 2009
Today’s Show: 30 Rack Nov. 16, 2009
Please, let me prove that winning the lottery won’t spoil me. Nov. 13, 2009
Don’t eat clowns. They taste funny. Nov. 13, 2009
The future will be better tomorrow Nov. 12, 2009
If you can’t imitate him, don’t copy him. Nov. 12, 2009 From the great Yogi Berra.
I was not lying. I said things that later on seemed to be untrue. Nov. 12, 2009
Solutions are not the answer Nov. 11, 2009
I think that will take much longer than I think it will Nov. 11, 2009
I can handle criticism so long as it isn’t about me Nov. 11, 2009
If it weren’t for electricity, we’d all be watching ESPN by candlelight. Nov. 10, 2009
Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything. Nov. 10, 2009
If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either Nov. 10, 2009
On the other hand, you have different fingers. Nov. 9, 2009
A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on Nov. 9, 2009
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, prepare to die. Nov. 9, 2009
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. Nov. 6, 2009
Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious Nov. 6, 2009
Power Corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat. Nov. 5, 2009
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you Nov. 5, 2009
My life has a superb cast but I can’t figure out the plot Nov. 4, 2009
Dear Tony: I (don’t) quit! -Love Woody Nov. 4, 2009 I believe he was making a reference to the very end of the previous day’s show. At the sign-off of the show, they showed a wide shot of the studio with all four monitors visible, and Woody held up his chalkboard, but it was too small and it was too quick to be able to read it. I assume he wrote that he quit.
I smile…because I have no idea what’s going on. Nov. 3, 2009
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy Nov. 3, 2009
There is no sincerer love than the love of food Nov. 2, 2009
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. Nov. 2, 2009
I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing. Nov. 2, 2009
R.I.P. The Wizard of Oz Oct. 30, 2009 [pic]
The trick to flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Oct. 29, 2009 From one of my favorite books, “The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy”.
Auntie Em, hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. -Dorothy Oct. 29, 2009
The most powerful force in the universe is gossip Oct. 28, 2009
Just smile and nod Oct. 28, 2009
I wanna live ‘til I die, no more, no less. Oct. 28, 2009
If it ain’t broke, you’re not trying Oct. 26, 2009
When in doubt, mumble Oct. 26, 2009
College: $100 for a book. $300 to prove you read it. Oct. 26, 2009
There aren’t enough days in the weekend Oct. 26, 2009
Age only matter if you’re cheese Oct. 26, 2009
He who throws dirt loses ground Oct. 23, 2009
Don’t hate yourself in the morning. Sleep til noon. Oct. 23, 2009
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives? Oct. 22, 2009
It’s a small world, unless you have to clean it. Oct. 22, 2009
Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. Oct. 22, 2009
If we quit voting will they all go away? Oct. 21, 2009
Try spelling Evian backwards. Naive. Oct. 21, 2009
If ignorance is bliss, why is Jay so sad? Oct. 21, 2009 Jay = Jay Mariotti, another panelist on the show
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person Oct. 20, 2009
It’s not how you pick your nose, but where you put your booger Oct. 20, 2009
My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician. Oct. 19, 2009
He does the work of 3 men, Larry, Moe and Curly Oct. 19, 2009 I notice that Woody does not use the Oxford comma.
I look way better in person. Oct. 19, 2009
I saw Elvis. He sat between me and bigfoot on the UFO. Oct. 16, 2009
I was the next door kid’s imaginary friend Oct. 16, 2009
PAIGE Oct. 16, 2009 Had an "eye" between the "A" and "G" in his name. During the introductions, he had an aluminum "model" of the balloon boy balloon flying in front of him as he did his impression of the reporters covering that story. [pic]
I am not young enough to know everything. Oct. 14, 2009
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser Oct. 14, 2009
Take my advice; I don’t use it anyway. Oct. 14, 2009
I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through Oct. 13, 2009
The early bird gets the worm. But the 2nd mouse gets the cheese. Oct. 13, 2009
Work fascinates me…I could sit and watch it for hours Oct. 12, 2009
We got rid of the kids, the cat was allergic Oct. 12, 2009
Sometimes I need what only you can give me: your absence Oct. 12, 2009
If practice makes perfect, how do you explain taxi drivers? Oct. 9, 2009
Get the facts first, you can distort them later. Oct. 9, 2009
Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it Oct. 8, 2009
Bad decisions make good stories! Oct. 8, 2009
All the world’s a stage. I seem to have missed the rehearsal. Oct. 8, 2009
Gravity: It’s not just a good idea. It’s the law. Oct. 7, 2009
I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes Oct. 7, 2009
It’s a small world. Unless you have to walk. Oct. 6, 2009
I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use one Oct. 6, 2009
Money talks but all mine ever says is “Goodbye” Oct. 6, 2009 This is Woody's 1,300th appearance on ATH. [pic]
I’m going to start thinking positive, but I know it won’t work Oct. 5, 2009
For sale: wedding dress. size 10. worn once by mistake Oct. 5, 2009
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder Oct. 2, 2009
Always wanted to be a procrastinator, but never got around to it Oct. 2, 2009
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died Oct. 2, 2009
Do people in Australia call the rest of the world “up over”? Oct. 1, 2009
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? Oct. 1, 2009
Would a fly without wings be called a walk? Oct. 1, 2009
Does killing time damage eternity? Sep. 30, 2009
I’m in shape. Round’s a shape. Sep. 30, 2009
Anything is possible if you don’t know what you’re talking about Sep. 30, 2009
Give Tony a penny for his thoughts, and he will give you change Sep. 29, 2009
I have no intention of telling you my real name Sep. 29, 2009
I know it all, I just can't remember it simultaneously Sep. 29, 2009
I tried being reasonable once - I didn’t like it Sep. 28, 2009
We met in a past life and you were wrong then too Sep. 28, 2009
I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks Sep. 28, 2009
Macho law prohibits me from admitting I’m wrong Sep. 25, 2009
Tony reminds me of when I was young and stupid Sep. 25, 2009 Tony = Tony Reali, the host of ATH.
Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1? Sep. 24, 2009
Does your train of thought have a caboose Sep. 24, 2009
Always try to be modest and be proud of it! Sep. 23, 2009
Too many freaks, not enough circuses Sep. 23, 2009
I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done. Sep. 23, 2009
I don’t need your attitude, I have my own Sep. 22, 2009
Caution I was not hired for my disposition Sep. 22, 2009
Ask me about my vow of silence Sep. 21, 2009
How is it possible to have a civil war? Sep. 21, 2009
Always be sincere, even if you don’t mean it Sep. 21, 2009
Don’t judge a book by its movie Sep. 18, 2009
Money is the root of all wealth Sep. 18, 2009
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity Sep. 16, 2009
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck Sep. 16, 2009
Welcome to TGIW’s Sep. 16, 2009 Woody was dressed sort of like a waiter from TGI Fridays (complete with flair, which he spelled "flare" on one of his buttons). [pic]
301??? Will it ever come? (I am a poet) Sep. 16, 2009 Woody has 300 Showdown wins at the time of this quip.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission Sep. 15, 2009
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system Sep. 15, 2009
Have an adequate day! Sep. 11, 2009
I do whatever my rice crispies tell me to Sep. 11, 2009
I don’t work here I’m a consultant Sep. 11, 2009
I’ve had fun before. This isn’t it Sep. 10, 2009
I’m really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me Sep. 10, 2009
I’m not shy - I’m studying my prey Sep. 10, 2009
I’m not being rude, you’re just insignificant Sep. 9, 2009
I’m not obnoxious, I’m verbally challenged Sep. 9, 2009
I’m not myself today. Maybe I’m you Sep. 9, 2009
I plead contemporary insanity Sep. 8, 2009 Woody finally won his 300th showdown. There was a bronze chalkboard, lots of confetti, and a pie in the face.
I prefer to remain anomalous Sep. 8, 2009
I try to make everyone’s day a little more surreal Sep. 7, 2009
Going for 300 next! Sep. 4, 2009 The chalkboard had spider webs all over it. Woody has 299 wins on ATH as of this chalkboard quip. He didn't even make the first cut.
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you Sep. 4, 2009
Going for 300 next! Sep. 3, 2009 Woody has 299 wins on ATH as of this chalkboard quip. He didn't make it to the showdown.
I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter Sep. 3, 2009
I was raised to be charming, not sincere Sep. 3, 2009
If I promise to miss you, will you go away? Sep. 2, 2009
If all else fails lower your standards Sep. 2, 2009
Going for 300 next! Sep. 1, 2009 Woody has 299 wins on ATH as of this chalkboard quip. He made it to the showdown, but lost 2-0 to Mariotti.
It’s been lovely but I have to scream now Sep. 1, 2009
It’s not who wins or loses, it’s who keeps score Sep. 1, 2009
Sometimes I wish life had subtitles! Aug. 20, 2009
Illiterate? Write me for help Aug. 20, 2009
I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week Aug. 19, 2009
Me-topia better than utopia Aug. 19, 2009
Keep watching I might do a trick Aug. 18, 2009
If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong Aug. 18, 2009
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop? Aug. 17, 2009
Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations? Aug. 17, 2009
We are men. We are mad. We are ATH mad men Aug. 17, 2009 Woody looking quite dapper today. [pic]
Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it? Aug. 14, 2009
I want patience - AND I WANT IT NOW!!! Aug. 14, 2009
A day for firm decisions! Or is it? Aug. 14, 2009
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? Aug. 13, 2009
Give me ambiguity or give me something else Aug. 13, 2009
If I want your opinion I’ll have you fill out the necessary forms Aug. 13, 2009
Where do people from Hawaii go on vacation? Aug. 12, 2009
Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all? Aug. 12, 2009
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener Aug. 11, 2009
Isn’t it scary that doctors call what they do “practice”? Aug. 11, 2009
When I want your opinion, I’ll remove the duct tape Aug. 11, 2009
A dog has an owner. A cat has a staff. Aug. 10, 2009
Under my gruff exterior lies an even gruffer interior Aug. 10, 2009
I’d like to have more self-esteem, but I don’t deserve it Aug. 10, 2009
Consciousness: The annoying time between naps Aug. 7, 2009
New Program Cash for Spelunkers Aug. 7, 2009
Some people have a way with words, others not have way Aug. 7, 2009
Friction can be a drag sometimes Aug. 6, 2009
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? Aug. 6, 2009
I wouldn’t touch the metric system with a 3.048m pole Aug. 6, 2009 3.048 meters is 10 feet.
It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere Aug. 5, 2009
Karaoke is Japanese for “tone deaf” Aug. 5, 2009 On a personal note, I hadn't seen/heard this one before. I guffawed and spilled water on myself when I read it.
A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago Aug. 5, 2009
My mind is like a steel trap—rusty and illegal in 37 states Aug. 4, 2009
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity Aug. 4, 2009
Beat the 5 o’clock rush, don’t go to work Aug. 4, 2009
Everybody repeat after me: “We are all individuals” Aug. 3, 2009
What was the best thing before sliced bread? Aug. 3, 2009
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory Jul. 31, 2009
When cheese get its picture taken, what does it say? Jul. 31, 2009 His grammatical error, not mine. [pic]
Chatters more than a dolphin by a fish bucket Jul. 31, 2009 Arrow pointing at Woody [pic]
If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success Jul. 30, 2009
Failure is not an option. It’s bundled with your software. Jul. 30, 2009
Here I am! What are your other two wishes Jul. 30, 2009 He left off the question mark, not me. [pic]
Time is a great healer, but a terrible beautician Jul. 29, 2009
Confession is good for the soul but bad for your career Jul. 29, 2009
If your feet smell and your nose runs, you’re built upside down Jul. 29, 2009
The following statement is true; the previous statement was false. Jul. 28, 2009 An example of the Liar's paradox.
Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is. Jul. 28, 2009
What’s the synonym for synonym Jul. 27, 2009 He was missing the question mark, not me.
Hairier than Chewbacca dipped in Rogaine Jul. 27, 2009 Arrow pointing at Woody, who was wearing a ridiculous fake beard in honor of Tony Reali's almost equally ridiculous real...um...facial hair. [pic]
All I ask is a chance to prove money can’t make me happy Jul. 17, 2009
Shops at EXTREMELY Old Navy Jul. 17, 2009 Arrow pointing at Woody [pic]
Originality is the art of concealing your sources Jul. 17, 2009
I had amnesia once—maybe twice Jul. 16, 2009
Which one of these is the non-smoking lifeboat? Jul. 16, 2009
Follow your dreams, except for that one where you’re naked at work Jul. 16, 2009
A journey of a thousand miles begins at the ATM Jul. 15, 2009
Those that forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it Jul. 15, 2009
There are 2 rules for success 1.) Don’t tell all you know Jul. 15, 2009 [pic]
Onomatopoeia sounds like what? Jul. 14, 2009
I bet you I could stop gambling Jul. 14, 2009
I can’t get enough minimalism Jul. 14, 2009
Hawpe Springs Eternal! Jul. 13, 2009
Lance Boils! Jul. 13, 2009
JiWhiz! Jul. 13, 2009
Dijon Vu - The same mustard as before Jul. 9, 2009
I like life. It’s something to do. Jul. 9, 2009
Gamblers anonymous club? You bet! Jul. 8, 2009
The anti-perspirant club? Sure. Jul. 8, 2009
The Spanish optometrist club? Si. Jul. 8, 2009
For sale: Parachute Jul. 7, 2009
Support bacteria Jul. 7, 2009 Mariotti = Jay Mariotti, another panelist on the show
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Jul. 7, 2009
To err is human, to forgive is not company policy Jul. 6, 2009
What does the winner of a “Best Trophy” competition get??? Jul. 6, 2009
Rain dance tonight!! *Weather* permitting Jul. 2, 2009
Never moon a warewolf Jul. 2, 2009
John Deere and Abitibi Price = Deere Abi Jul. 1, 2009
Grey Poupon and Dockers pants = Poupon Pants Jul. 1, 2009
3M and Goodyear: mmmGood Jul. 1, 2009
38% of people quit looking for work when they find a job Jun. 30, 2009
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed Up? Jun. 30, 2009
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film. Jun. 30, 2009
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine Jun. 29, 2009
If you don’t like the news, go out and make some Jun. 29, 2009
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck Jun. 29, 2009
Bill: If I throw a stick, will you leave? Jun. 16, 2009 Bill = Bill Plaschke, another panelist on the show
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math Jun. 16, 2009
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart? Jun. 16, 2009
The Yoko club? Oh no. Jun. 15, 2009
The quarterback club? I’ll pass. Jun. 15, 2009
The Peter Pan Club? Never. Never. Jun. 15, 2009
Not all men are annoying, some are dead. Jun. 12, 2009
See no evil Jun. 12, 2009
Do they ever shut up on your planet Cowlishaw? Jun. 11, 2009 Cowlishaw = Tim Cowlishaw, another panelist on the show
And your crybaby, whiny opinion would be what Tim? Jun. 11, 2009 Tim = Tim Cowlishaw, another panelist on the show
It’s illegal to catch mice without a hunting license in Cleveland Jun. 10, 2009
The average human eats 8 spiders in his lifetime at night Jun. 10, 2009
The average chocolate bar has 8 insects’ legs in it Jun. 10, 2009
Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool Jun. 9, 2009
Where there’s a will, there’s a family fight over it Jun. 9, 2009
Give me 30 minutes and I’ll give you 5 of my best Jun. 8, 2009
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life Jun. 8, 2009
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism Jun. 5, 2009
Sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I feel like a doughnut Jun. 5, 2009 It was National Doughnut Day
Men should always aim high. Then you won’t splash on your shoes. Jun. 4, 2009
If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. Jun. 4, 2009
Never hire a cleaning lady named Dusty. Jun. 4, 2009 Woody announced that today’s chalkboard sayings were “submitted by a young man who is literally a captive audience.” Reali asked what that means and Woody responded, “He’s in prison.”
As I said before, I never repeat myself! Jun. 3, 2009
Stressed spelled backwards is DESSERTS Jun. 3, 2009
Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be Jun. 3, 2009
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? Jun. 2, 2009
Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Jun. 2, 2009
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Jun. 2, 2009
Then & Now 3 Jun. 1, 2009
Then & Now 2 Jun. 1, 2009
Then & Now Jun. 1, 2009
Welcome to Woody Bees May. 29, 2009
J.A. Adande Lounge (strikethrough) May. 29, 2009 Big "X" through the previous segment's chalkboard. [pic]
J.A. Adande Lounge May. 29, 2009

During the introductions, there was a chalkboard that said, “Woody’s World” but J.A. Adande came and swapped it with his, which remained up during the first segment.

I assume J.A. was in Denver for the Lakers vs. Nuggets game 6.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time May. 27, 2009
I used to be a narrator for bad mimes May. 27, 2009
I like to reminisce with people I don’t know May. 26, 2009
Corduroy Pillows: They’re making headlines! May. 26, 2009
I love L.A.! NOT. May. 22, 2009 Woody was in Los Angeles for the show.
Fries with that, Tony? May. 22, 2009 Tony = Tony Reali, the host of ATH
My new movie “Beverly Hills Flop” May. 22, 2009
The new star on the walk of fame May. 21, 2009
Holly Woody May. 21, 2009
The new real American Idol May. 21, 2009
Clones are people two May. 19, 2009
If you’re like me, and I know I am… May. 19, 2009
Proof that evolution can go in reverse May. 18, 2009
Young at heart. Slightly older in other places. May. 18, 2009
62-year-old one owner needs parts make offer May. 18, 2009
Mariotti doesn’t have an "A" game May. 14, 2009 Mariotti = Jay Mariotti, another panelist on the show
I put the fun in dysfunction May. 14, 2009
I’ve been called into the ESPN principal’s office (oh, no!) May. 14, 2009 Woody was in ESPN’s headquarters in Bristol, CT
Why do we bake cookies & cook bacon? May. 7, 2009
If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s intolerance May. 7, 2009
My house burned down by a stress relieving candle May. 7, 2009
Really really really old blue eyes May. 6, 2009 Arrow pointing at Woody.
They were throwing around Sinatra references earlier in the show.
My inferiority complex is not as good as Jay’s May. 6, 2009 Could Jay refer to J.A. Adande, another panelist on the show?
Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths May. 6, 2009
I don’t get even, I get odder May. 5, 2009
If it ain’t broke, fix it till it is May. 5, 2009
Indecision is the key to flexibility May. 5, 2009
My reality check bounced May. 4, 2009
A day without sunshine is like, uh, night May. 4, 2009
Half the people in the world are below average May. 4, 2009
No one ever says “It’s only a game” when they’re winning May. 1, 2009
Always give 100% May. 1, 2009
I got hit by a Dodge Apr. 30, 2009
Tip of the day Apr. 30, 2009
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? Apr. 29, 2009
I hate people who steal my ideas before I think of them Apr. 29, 2009
Nurses call the shots Apr. 28, 2009
Matadors are backstabbers Apr. 28, 2009
Corporate slave Apr. 28, 2009 Arrow pointing at Woody
Brunette is the new blonde Apr. 27, 2009
Don’t just go away, go weigh Apr. 27, 2009
I make dirt look good Apr. 27, 2009
These are my Sunday go-to-meeting clothes Apr. 24, 2009
I don’t know what makes Tony so dumb, but it really works! Apr. 24, 2009 Tony = Tony Reali, the host of ATH
I don’t know karate but I do know krazy Apr. 24, 2009
Adults are just kids who owe money Apr. 22, 2009
According to my calculations the problem doesn’t exist Apr. 22, 2009
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door Apr. 22, 2009
A PBS mind in an MTV world Apr. 21, 2009 Arrow pointing at Woody
Ambivalent? Well, yes and no. Apr. 21, 2009
A splendid combination of talent and trouble Apr. 21, 2009 Arrow pointing at Woody
I’ll bet you I quit gambling years ago Apr. 20, 2009
Don’t insult an alligator until you’ve crossed the river Apr. 20, 2009
I was uncool before uncool was cool Apr. 20, 2009
You have the right to remain silent. Anything Tony says is wrong. Apr. 17, 2009 Tony = Tony Reali, the host of ATH.
video games Apr. 17, 2009
Just be glad I’m not a twin Apr. 17, 2009
Cogito ergo periculosus Apr. 16, 2009 Roughly translated: I think therefore I’m dangerous.
I’m out of my mind. Feel free to leave a message. Apr. 16, 2009
Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand Apr. 16, 2009
I’m very assertive. I think. Apr. 15, 2009
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle Apr. 15, 2009
I drank a pint of varnish & I got all laquered up Apr. 15, 2009
I put ketchup on my ketchup Apr. 14, 2009
Do not disturb. Already disturbed. Apr. 14, 2009
For a minute Tim bored me to death Apr. 14, 2009 Tim = Tim Cowlishaw, another panelist on the show.
He had a drawing of an EKG graph on the blackboard. [pic]
I know you are nobody’s fool. You’re everybody’s. Apr. 13, 2009
Act your age - SENILE! Apr. 13, 2009
I hear you changed your mind! And got back 2 Apr. 13, 2009
Detroit Casino bans Marriotti as a loser Apr. 3, 2009 Marriotti = Jay Marriotti, another panelist on the show
Why is there 1 US monopolies commission? Apr. 3, 2009
I have a foggy bottom Apr. 3, 2009 Foggy Bottom is a neighborhood in Washington, D.C., where Woody has been since the April Fool’s Day show.
aroundthehorn@espn.com Demand I host again! Apr. 2, 2009
Save the planet! Annoy 1 person at a time. Apr. 2, 2009
Washington schlepped here Apr. 2, 2009 Woody was still in Washington due to the April Fool’s show.
The new Washington Monument Apr. 1, 2009 Since it’s April Fool’s Day, Woody was hosting the show in Washington and had to hold the chalkboard up manually at the beginning of the round.
Slept last night in Lincoln’s bathroom Apr. 1, 2009 Since it’s April Fool’s Day, Woody was hosting the show in Washington and had to hold the chalkboard up manually in the middle of the round.
People say I have no taste, but I like Tony Mar. 31, 2009 Tony = Tony Reali, the host of the show
Jackie reminds me of the ocean—she makes me see-sick Mar. 31, 2009 Jackie = Jackie MacMullan, another panelist on the show
I bet your mother has a loud bark Mar. 30, 2009
Jay is no longer beneath my contempt Mar. 30, 2009 Jay = Jay Mariotti, another panelist on the show
Most of us live and learn. You just live. Mar. 30, 2009
I like your approach, now let’s see your departure Mar. 27, 2009
What’s the latest dope besides you? Mar. 27, 2009
Honk if you love peace and quiet Mar. 26, 2009
On the other hand, you have different fingers Mar. 26, 2009
March madness: another reason not to work Mar. 26, 2009
Don’t go away mad. Just go away. (I’m mad) Mar. 25, 2009
You are down to Earth but not quite far down enough Mar. 25, 2009
I’d like to help you out…which way did you come in? Mar. 25, 2009
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out Mar. 23, 2009
Dear IRS, please cancel my subscription Mar. 23, 2009
A door is open & it’s ajar. When a jar is open is it adoor? Mar. 23, 2009
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Mar. 18, 2009
March madness take its toll. Please have exact change. Mar. 18, 2009
3 types of people: those who can count and those who can’t Mar. 18, 2009
I ☘ Shenanigans Mar. 17, 2009 [pic]
Today I’m Woody O’Paige Mar. 17, 2009
This show is full of blarney Mar. 17, 2009
Telepath wanted: you know where to apply Mar. 16, 2009
Don’t be so open-minded your brains fall out Mar. 16, 2009
The information went data way Mar. 16, 2009 Arrow pointing away from him [pic]
To be is to do Mar. 13, 2009
I don’t listen when I talk in my sleep Mar. 13, 2009
I have a degree in liberal arts. Do you want fries with that? Mar. 13, 2009
Department of redundancy department Mar. 12, 2009
Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved Mar. 12, 2009
I would cut off my arm to be ambidextrous Mar. 11, 2009
I’m bipolar Mar. 11, 2009
I’m bilingual Mar. 11, 2009
Donald Duck quacks me up Mar. 9, 2009
A waist is a terrible thing to mind Mar. 9, 2009
If Jimmy cracked corn & I don’t care, why did he keep doing it? Mar. 9, 2009
Don’t forget to profreed Mar. 6, 2009
I don’t have a solution but I admire the problem Mar. 6, 2009
Mental floss prevents moral decay Mar. 6, 2009
Why is abbreviation such a long word? Mar. 5, 2009
I can see clearly now, the brain is gone. Mar. 5, 2009
The beatings will continue until morale improves. Mar. 5, 2009
Don’t use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice Mar. 4, 2009
Every morning is the dawn of a new error… Mar. 4, 2009
(blackboard on top of 2nd mountain) Feb. 24, 2009 Woody was in front of a mountain range background, and the blackboard was moved to the top the mountain range on his left. This is the first time we've seen the blackboard during the Showdown segment in a long time. [pic]
(blackboard at bottom of mountain) Feb. 24, 2009 Woody was in front of a mountain range background, and the blackboard was moved to the bottom of the mountain. [pic]
(blackboard in middle of mountain) Feb. 24, 2009 Woody was in front of a mountain range background, and the blackboard was moved to the middle of the mountain. [pic]
(blackboard on top of mountain) Feb. 24, 2009 Woody was in front of a mountain range background, with a small black spot on the top of one of the mountains, and he said, “None of us are as physically fit as the blackboard, it’s climbed to the top of a mountain this morning.” [pic]
My email: paige@youhoo.com Feb. 23, 2009 This blackboard quip referrences the first segment of the show when Woody insulted Bob Ryan and all New Englanders and referred to them as “you people”. Tony Reali mentioned that Woody would probably get a lot of hate email due to his remarks.
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand Feb. 23, 2009
Shin: A device for finding furniture Feb. 23, 2009
Woody Reali Barcelona Feb. 20, 2009 Reali = Tony Reali, the host of ATH
Slum dog silver hair Feb. 20, 2009 Arrow pointing at him
I solved the curious case of Benjamin Button Feb. 20, 2009
Warning: Stuck on fast forward & mute doesn’t work Feb. 19, 2009
Whispering didn’t work. I’m more of a dog yeller. Feb. 19, 2009
Why is minuscule a bigger word than huge? Feb. 19, 2009
Tom Cruise to Aruba Feb. 18, 2009 “Tom Cruise. Cruise to Aruba.”
Say cheese doodle Feb. 18, 2009 During the opening introductions, Woody informed us that the blackboard has a new game called “Top to Bottom”. He then pointed at the board and instructed us to say, “Say cheese. Cheese doodle.”
Fun for the whole family Feb. 17, 2009 Arrow pointing at him
He who laughs last thinks slowest Feb. 17, 2009
Bea Arthur is Mariotti’s understudy Feb. 16, 2009
Little Miss Mixed Messages Feb. 16, 2009 Arrow pointing at him
Mediocrity is the new excellence Feb. 16, 2009
It costs $ to look this cheap Feb. 13, 2009
Cupid is stupid Feb. 13, 2009
Smooth operator Feb. 13, 2009 Arrow pointing at him
Note to self: ditch these losers Feb. 12, 2009
I’d rather be sitting on the toilet doing sodoku Feb. 12, 2009 I'm not sure about this, but I'm thinking he meant “sudoku”, the puzzle game, rather than “sodoku” the disease.
Blessed are the comatose, for they are my loyal fans Feb. 12, 2009
Why, yes I am always this loud. Feb. 11, 2009
Be alert. The world needs more lerts. Feb. 11, 2009
Nobody should be this cool Feb. 10, 2009 Arrow pointing at him.
On a personal note, I just love how my DVR paused Woody for this pic. [pic]
Who’s you edamame? Feb. 10, 2009
Lil Wayne Meet Bigg Woody Feb. 10, 2009 [pic]
Katy Perry wants to kiss me Feb. 9, 2009
Song of the decade: Hotplay's "Viva La Woody" Feb. 9, 2009
The 4th Jonas Brother Feb. 9, 2009 Arrow pointing at himself. [pic]
Super Bowl Chimes for Big Ben + Me Feb. 2, 2009
Chalkboard Winter Tour '09 moves from Tampa to Miami Feb. 2, 2009 Woody was in Miami. During the opening introductions, Woody claimed to be the first reporter in Miami for Super Bowl 44.
Rumor alert Prez coming to Super Bowl and ATH Jan. 30, 2009
Gulls and boys together Jan. 30, 2009
For me this is the stupor bowl Jan. 29, 2009 Woody's in Tampa for the Super Bowl
Staying here in sun sin city Jan. 29, 2009 Woody's in Tampa for the Super Bowl
Hurry up, Tony, my yacht is double-parked Jan. 29, 2009 Tony = Tony Reali, the host of ATH.
Woody's in Tampa for the Super Bowl.
Chalkboard picked up a cardboard at the bar Jan. 28, 2009 Woody was in Tampa for the Super Bowl & was using the whiteboard
Blackboard’s got on its SPF 130 Jan. 28, 2009 Woody was in Tampa for the Super Bowl & was using the whiteboard
Tampa Bay City Roller Jan. 26, 2009 He was in Tampa Bay for the Superbowl
Beware of irritable seagulls! Jan. 26, 2009 He was in Tampa Bay for the Superbowl
Superbowl XLII Superdrow LXII Jan. 26, 2009 He was in Tampa Bay for the Superbowl
My 401-K is now a 101-K Jan. 23, 2009
FILTHY STINKING RICH. (2 out of 3 ain’t bad) Jan. 23, 2009
Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it Jan. 22, 2009
I jog my mind and run my mouth Jan. 22, 2009
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck Jan. 22, 2009
Procrastinate now. Don’t put it off. Jan. 21, 2009
ATH: I do it for the yelling Jan. 21, 2009
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction Jan. 21, 2009
Friends come and go, enemies accumulate Jan. 20, 2009
Exceptions always outnumber rules Jan. 20, 2009
Do witches run spell checkers? Jan. 20, 2009
DAIN BRAMAGED Jan. 19, 2009
Constant change is here to stay Jan. 19, 2009
BUDGET: A method for going broke methodically Jan. 19, 2009
As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia Jan. 16, 2009
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? Jan. 16, 2009
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand Jan. 15, 2009
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid Jan. 15, 2009
As I said before, I never repeat myself Jan. 15, 2009
Let the potato chips fall where they may Jan. 14, 2009
Entering smug mode Jan. 14, 2009
Why don't psychics win more lotteries? Jan. 14, 2009
I never apologize, I'm sorry, but that's the way I am Jan. 13, 2009
The cure for insomnia is more sleep Jan. 13, 2009
Never moon a werewolf Jan. 13, 2009
Entering fourth childhood Jan. 12, 2009 Arrow pointing at him [pic]
If it fits in a toaster I can cook it Jan. 12, 2009
I know you are but what am I? Jan. 12, 2009
Please do not feed or tease the fantasy geeks Jan. 6, 2009
Let's constantly turn the conversation back to me Jan. 6, 2009
If it fits in a toaster I can cook it Jan. 6, 2009
Parsley makes it fancy Jan. 5, 2009
I'm terrified of being offline Jan. 5, 2009
Wash me Jan. 5, 2009 Board was all chalky and Woody (or an intern) used their finger to erase "wash me". Similar to what you might see on a dirty car. [pic]