Woody’s Chalkboards (2021)

Quip Date Note
The reindeer that ran over grandma charged with targeting Dec. 21, 2021
This year I am giving everyone on this show the fruitcakes I got from people last Christmas Dec. 21, 2021
I fear that I have witzelsucht. Look it up Dec. 17, 2021 According to Wikipedia: "is a set of pure and rare neurological symptoms characterized by a tendency to make puns, or tell inappropriate jokes or pointless stories in socially inappropriate situations. It makes one unable to read sarcasm. [...] Patients do not understand that their behavior is abnormal, therefore they are nonresponsive to others' reactions."
The over-under on my today is 21 1/2. I'd take the under Dec. 17, 2021
All the life lessons I have learned I have forgotten Dec. 3, 2021
Intelligent life on other planets? I wonder if there is any on this planet Dec. 3, 2021
Had garage band at 16. My dad locked us in garage Nov. 11, 2021
Was wrap artist at 15. Wrapped presents in department store at holidays Nov. 11, 2021
I once bit a coin Nov. 2, 2021
My favorite restaurant is Ikea Nov. 2, 2021
My dream was to become somebody. The reality is I became nobody Nov. 1, 2021
When one door shuts in life, another opens and smacks me in the face Nov. 1, 2021
Sharing locker today at studio with Davy Jones Oct. 29, 2021
Let's get karken Oct. 29, 2021
I have a stunt double for this show Oct. 27, 2021
If I sit very still like in school, Frank may not call on me today Oct. 27, 2021 Frank = Frank Isola, the fill-in host of ATH
When I lose my phone I usually find it in my hand Oct. 25, 2021
Frank should have instructions included Oct. 25, 2021 Frank = Frank Isola, the fill-in host of ATH
"I" before "E" is wierd Oct. 22, 2021
The heart's purpose is to pump blood, not to care about a football team's loss Oct. 22, 2021
The voices in my head talk to each other, not to me Oct. 14, 2021
I have invented the hair fryer. No oil. Only problem is sticking my head in it Oct. 14, 2021
I've never missed a field goal or a penalty call Oct. 11, 2021
Paige. Drow Paige. No time to diet Oct. 11, 2021
I am a visionary Oct. 8, 2021
My friend bet me $5 I wouldn't wear this shirt today on TV Oct. 8, 2021
I once dated Mona Lisa. Made her smile Oct. 4, 2021
Alexa, tell me the numbers that will win Powerball this week Oct. 4, 2021
Follow me on Twitter. I know a shortcut Sep. 28, 2021
I didn't go to gym today for the 14,863rd straight day Sep. 28, 2021 14,863 days = 40+ years
Do we really need directions on shampoo bottle? Sep. 23, 2021
In elementary school I was voted most likely to not go to high school Sep. 23, 2021
Candy corn and spam have same expiration. Never Sep. 17, 2021
I will be holding fundraiser while in line at gas pump Sep. 17, 2021
Over 5,000 chalkboards served Sep. 15, 2021
This is my 2,800th ATH. What a waste of a promising life Sep. 15, 2021
I told my dentist "You can't handle the tooth" Aug. 26, 2021
Panel, let's tank so Tim can get mercy win for No. 500 Aug. 26, 2021 Tim = Tim Cowlishaw, another panelist on the show
I've learned so much from my mistakes, so I plan to make many more Aug. 24, 2021
My goal in 2021 was to lose 20 pounds. Only 32 pounds to go Aug. 24, 2021
During the commercial break I change the channel on my monitor Aug. 20, 2021
I had a lot of stuff to do today. I may get to it tomorrow Aug. 20, 2021
I can't seem to complete my thoughts today about Aug. 18, 2021
My actual results may vary Aug. 18, 2021
If you don't like watching me that's fine. I get paid anyway Aug. 13, 2021
My sarcasm doesn't work well with stupid people. Are you getting my sarcasm? Aug. 13, 2021
I'm making the world a better place one blackboard quote at a time Aug. 12, 2021
I don't take orders from Tony and the producer. I am not DoorDash Aug. 12, 2021
I live to take long, romantic walks to the fridge Aug. 5, 2021
Self-satisfaction is word bosses use to get you to work for free Aug. 5, 2021
I visited a fireplug factory. Nowhere to park Jul. 29, 2021
Want my olympicks? Be my paypal Jul. 29, 2021
I used to have hatred of speed bumps, but I've gotten over it Jul. 22, 2021
ESPN survey proved I'm most popular commentator amoung zombies Jul. 22, 2021
Ramona's favorite band is The Ramones Jul. 15, 2021 Romona = Romona Shelburne, another panelist on the show
I love mimes, but that goes without saying Jul. 15, 2021
I am overrated, but don't underestimate me Jul. 6, 2021
Best sign I saw on vacation was at Dairy Queen: "Out of ice cream." Jul. 6, 2021
I will be 75 Sunday. That sure came too soon Jun. 25, 2021
Today I beat the O'jays - Jackie, J.A., Jorge. Forever mine Jun. 25, 2021 Jackie = Jackie MacMullan; J.A. = J.A. Adande; Jorge = Jorge Sedano. The other panelists on the show
Don't worry Frank I'll help you Jun. 18, 2021 Frank = Frank Isola, the host of this episode
Went to trampoline park today. Bouncer wouldn't let me in Jun. 18, 2021
Diner out of my favorite dish. No parm, no fowl Jun. 17, 2021
During ATH today I'd rather talk to myself than these 4 losers Jun. 17, 2021
I didn't sign up for 401K. I can't run that far Jun. 9, 2021
Stolen blackboard returned. Suspect Name: M.A. Lee Jun. 9, 2021
Changing my name to Gaggle. I know nothing May. 28, 2021
Wile E. didn't realize real coyotes are 20 MPH faster than roadrunners May. 28, 2021
Hey, Siri, get Tony Reali off my back May. 19, 2021
I don't sugarcoat opinions. I'm not Willy Wonka or Emily May. 19, 2021 Emily = Emily Kaplan, another panelist on the show
Don't text me until you reach Xanadu May. 14, 2021
Bono and The Edge enter pub. Bartender says "Oh, it's just U2 again May. 14, 2021
I've sunk way below rock bottom May. 6, 2021
I want a liar's pants to actually catch on fire May. 6, 2021
On days I'm not on ATH, I yell at clouds Apr. 28, 2021
I suffer from phobophobia. Fear of phobias Apr. 28, 2021
My superpower is I make tequila disappear Apr. 22, 2021
Ted Lasso and AFC Richmond refused to play in the Super League Apr. 22, 2021
There are no foolish questions, only foolish co-workers Apr. 16, 2021
I put my cell phone on airplane mode. It flew away Apr. 16, 2021
My gym has reopened. I've forgotten where it is. Good Apr. 5, 2021
Sorry, Bill, but was rolling my eyes too loud? Apr. 5, 2021 Bill = Bill Plaschke, another panelist on the show
Look at me Tony the way I look at banana split Mar. 30, 2021 Tony = Tony Reali, the host of ATH
Woody for the "W" today. Elle for the "L" Mar. 30, 2021 Elle = Elle Duncan, another panelist on the show
Frank's teams have no chance in big dance Mar. 15, 2021 Frank = Frank Isola, another panelist on the show
I'm wearing bracket jacket Mar. 15, 2021
I took stupidity vaccine. It didn't work Mar. 12, 2021
Tony is why shampoo bottles have directions Mar. 12, 2021 Tony = Tony Reali, the host of ATH
My hairstyle and lifestyle are a hot mess Mar. 4, 2021
Yea I said that. Welcome to my Brain. Buckle up, Bucky Mar. 4, 2021
Getting a new pail is on my bucket list Feb. 25, 2021
Today's secret word: In-a-gadda-da-vida Feb. 25, 2021 It's a song
It didn't dawn on me until dusk Feb. 24, 2021
My horoscope today: Overbearing host zaps your enthusiasm Feb. 24, 2021
Believe in something! Or whatever Feb. 16, 2021
Tony, Ludacris and I star in "Another Night In Miami" Feb. 16, 2021
Next Super Bowl I'm performing. Call me Weakday Feb. 9, 2021
I am lip-syncing today Feb. 9, 2021
Aliens, don't contact ATH. There is no intelligent life on show Feb. 2, 2021
I got vaccine. Left arem hurts. That's my excuse today Feb. 2, 2021
I use to be ambivalent, but I'm not sure anymore Jan. 27, 2021
I asked for vaccine at pharmacy. I got Visine Jan. 27, 2021
Dogs smarter than us. They won't pick up our poop Jan. 22, 2021
I talk in my sleep. Reali mutes me when I wake up Jan. 22, 2021 Reali = Tony Reali, the host of ATH
Edgar Josh Allen Poe: Don't quote the ravens any more Jan. 15, 2021
Brady vs Brees: Game for the aged Jan. 15, 2021
Have a ♥. Be an organ doner Jan. 12, 2021
The DeVonta Smith Rips an Ohio State Jan. 12, 2021
I am stupid, but you're paying attention to me Jan. 8, 2021
In 2021 I want terms and conditions Jan. 8, 2021