Saw Imagine Dragons last night. Imagine how I’m draggin’ today
A hangover is the wrath of grapes
Does sneeze guard really make us feel better about buffet line?
I thought “Goodwill Hunting” meant me shopping for clothes
I’m a bank teller. I call banks and tell them stuff
Only you can control your narcissism.
You know what they say about cliffhangers…
I just ate a frozen apple. Hardcore
I’ve been thinking about writing a mystery novel, or have I?
Office meetings stink. I don’t like coffee, pastries and my co-workers
Do the Danish like to eat danish? Spanish peanuts? English toffee? Germans chocolate cake?
I’m addicted to donuts. It’s a vicious circle
Are rice cakes made out of styrofoam?
My toilet was stolen. I don’t know who. I have nothing to go on
Got a job at a fire hydrant store, but have nowhere to park
Don’t send me puns. Toucan play at that game
Dated a philosopher. She didn’t even know if I existed
Dated a woman who works at the zoo. She’s a keeper