I just had a once in a lifetime experience. I’ll never be doing that again
My neighbor knocked on my door at 2AM. Can you believe it, 2AM? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me
Nothing good happens at 3AM, including my sleep
6:30 is the best time on the clock, hands down
I’ve expanded my skills. I can now forget what I’m doing while I’m actually doing it
Why do they put 4 wheels on shopping carts when only 3 of them ever work?
If I’ve told you once I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!
you can
read this
you don't
need glasses
you're already wearing them
then I guess you do need glasses

insist on

Beard, clean-shaven or paper bag?
These days teens wash their own mouths out with soap
I have an irrational fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it

Woody’s Tip Of The Day:
Hiring an electrician without eyebrows is generally not a good idea

When someone yells “Stop.” I never know if it’s in the name of love, if it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen
Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside
I said it once, and I’ll say it again. It.

My New Year’s Resolutions:

  1. Stop making lists
    B. Be more consistent
  2. Learn to count
The guy who came up with the name for the fireplace wasn’t very creative
On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me :

Note: Drawing of two turtles with wings

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