What do you get when you mix a rhetorical question with a joke?

Don’t underestimate me…
unless you’re trying to guess my age or weight

Not only am I the master of suspsense, but I

There are two types of people in this world:

  1. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data
Thoughts and prayers to all those effected by the tragedy in Las Vegas

Paisley Thursday is back by despite popular demand

Shoutout Winners: @notfamouskyle'swife @ericstenske @hakeemfiz

I tried to change my password to beef_stew, but it wasn’t stroganoff
I ate a shepard’s pie for lunch. He was very upset about it.
That’s not lint on my coat…well, maybe some
I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers because I can always count on them
I wish more people were at a loss for words
I was hooked on auctions after only going once…going twice
Don’t forget, tonight, the Moon will be visable from Earth. The last time this happened was last night.
Shot 79 in gold yesterday. Improved my lie. Said I shot 71.
I’ll admit, I’m not perfect, but what did the horse I rode in on do?
I just read a list of “100 things to do before you die.” I was surprised “yell for help” wasn’t on the list

My Bucket List

  1. 4 drumsticks
  2. 3 sides of mashed potatoes with gravy
  3. 6 biscuits

Woody’s Tip Of The Day:
Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics

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