You call them curse words, I call them sentence enhancers
If violets were burgandy, poetry would be much more challenging

A sport where people without pants fight for a belt

Picking your nose doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s what you do after that defines you
The “I” before “E” rule is weird

It’s 3:08PM.
Wait a minute…
no it’s not

Polly needs a comeback


Polly wants a facetime


I just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know
The time travelers meeting scheduled for today will now be held last Thursday

Adam West


The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest

There are 2 reasons why I would never drink toilet water:
number 1 and number 2

Paper cut:
A tree’s final moment of revenge



The fact that there’s a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven, says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers
Young at heart. Slightly older in other places
I lost the spelling bee because I couldn’t spell ‘covfefe’
I have lots of hidden talents. I just can’t find them
Never go to a doctor whose plants have died
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