I have two words for you. Two words
I burned 2,000 calories yesterday. Left the brownies in the oven too long
I can keep a secret. The people I tell it to can’t
I want to go to another planet and make circles in their crops
Chillin’ with my gnomies

Note: Drawn pic of a garden gnome [pic]

If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?
I started Pita. I want to protect all breads
I had lunch with a vegan. Let’s meat again
I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you
I talk to myself before ATH. I need expert advice
Thesaurus favorite “Wizard of Oz” character? Antonym
What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast? Synonym rolls
Add mayo to your guacamole! You’ll love it and me
Don’t believe everything you think
2,600 shows, 5,280 blackboards
Mind over matter. I don’t mind, and you don’t matter
My hamster is smarter than your honor student
I’m on two diets. Allows me to eat twice as much
I wanted to run away and join the circus. My dad said he would drive me
My pet lizard has reptile dysfunction
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