Woody’s Chalkboards (2014)

Quip Date Note
I'm going to get Blitzen for the holidays Dec. 24, 2014
I'm the first No-L Dec. 24, 2014
Stay tuned; my facetime is coming up next Dec. 22, 2014
Warning Frank I know every word to the Frozen song. I will sing it to you Dec. 22, 2014 Frank = Frank Isola, another panelist on the show
Not photo shopped Dec. 22, 2014 Arrow pointing at Woody [pic]
Me? Sarcastic? Never Dec. 19, 2014
I learned how to do chalkboard stands -- chalkboard Dec. 19, 2014 [pic]
What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1 Dec. 18, 2014
Only 372 shopping days until Christmas 2015 Dec. 18, 2014
Did you hear about the Italian chef who pasta way? Dec. 18, 2014
(NA)16 batman Dec. 10, 2014 [pic]
When life knocks me down, I usually lie there and take naps Dec. 10, 2014
I don't like wearing pants; that's why I like this job Dec. 10, 2014
"K." Well potassium to you too Dec. 9, 2014
‭This is my selfie pose -- Chalkboard Dec. 9, 2014 [pic]
Beware of Bear Dec. 4, 2014
If you are cold, stand in a corner. They are usually 90° Dec. 4, 2014
Sweet dreams are made of cheese. Who am I to dis a brie? Dec. 4, 2014
You hang around, I'll go on ahead Dec. 2, 2014 [pic]
This must be a sign Dec. 2, 2014
I'd tell you a chemistry joke but all the good ones argon Dec. 2, 2014
I dig, you dig, he dig, she dig, they dig...it's not a great poem, but it's very deep Nov. 26, 2014
I'm not hungry, I'm stuffed Nov. 26, 2014 [pic]
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and stare at it for hours. Nov. 25, 2014
The best nicknames are the ones people don't know they have Nov. 25, 2014
Like a fish, it would be wise for me to keep my mouth shut. Nov. 25, 2014 [pic]
I try not to spend too much time online, but wi-fight it? Nov. 19, 2014
Kate, just between you and me, I like Frank the least of the NY panelists. -- Chalkboard Nov. 19, 2014 Kate = Kate Fagan, another NY panelist on the show. Frank = Frank Isola, another NY panelist on the show.
Tony doesn't determine who's right, only who's left. Nov. 17, 2014
Good news! The fifth dentist caved and now they are all recommending Trident Nov. 17, 2014
When Peter Pan punches, they neverland Nov. 17, 2014
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock. Nov. 14, 2014
I wonder if they make any pills for road rage? Nov. 14, 2014
Cremation is the only way I'll have a smokin' hot body. Nov. 14, 2014
What happens if you get scared half to death twice? Nov. 13, 2014
Corduroy pillows: they are making headlines! Nov. 13, 2014
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider jogging Nov. 11, 2014
Keep your dream alive; hit the snooze button. Nov. 11, 2014
New shoes? Nov. 7, 2014 [pic]
Roses are red, that part is true, but violets are purple, not blue. Nov. 7, 2014
I have a photographic memory. But I never developed it. Nov. 7, 2014
I have a smart pet spider. He has his own website. Nov. 4, 2014
The inventor of the door knocker should win a no-bell prize Nov. 4, 2014
I used to be great at banking but I lost interest Nov. 4, 2014
Dead Zone: Beware of zombies Oct. 31, 2014
Biologists take cellfies Oct. 27, 2014
Never leave dishes nsync --Justin Oct. 27, 2014
You know what seems odd to me? Numbers that aren't divisible by two. Oct. 27, 2014
I don't like the tops of stairs either. They always bring me down. Oct. 23, 2014
I really don't like it when my food goes to waist Oct. 23, 2014
Frank, I relish the fact that you mustard the courage to attempt to ketchup to me in the standings Oct. 23, 2014 Frank = Frank Isola, another panelist on the show
What is the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway) Oct. 22, 2014
Puppets for sale. No strings attached. Oct. 22, 2014
Who is the new girl? - Chalkboard Oct. 22, 2014 New girl is Kate Fagan, another panelist on the show
I'm not being obtuse but, you're acute girl. Oct. 21, 2014
I don't always turnip at parties, but when I do I'm the radish guy. Oct. 21, 2014
Parallel lines have so much in common... It's a shame they will never meet Oct. 21, 2014 [pic]
This about says it all: ITALL Oct. 16, 2014
I became a vegetarian. I think it was a huge missed steak Oct. 16, 2014
Nothing brightens up a room like Frank's absence. Oh, wait... Oct. 16, 2014 Frank = Frank Isola, another panelist on the show
To the guy who invented zero thanks for nothing Oct. 14, 2014
I'm trying to think of a Miley Cyrus joke, but it's not twerking Oct. 14, 2014
Will your dog chase a stick? Oct. 9, 2014 [pic]
A graph of my wins the past month Oct. 9, 2014 [pic]
Do you think I will ever get to 500 wins? Me neither. Oct. 9, 2014
Everything is easier said than done, except talking. That's the same. Oct. 8, 2014
You look funny doing that with your head Oct. 8, 2014 [pic]
Someone once told me to follow my dreams, so I'm going back to bed Oct. 2, 2014
Before Siri and Cortana, there was me. -- Chalkboard Oct. 2, 2014
I'm already disturbed. Please come in Oct. 2, 2014
I'm training for a Netflix marathon Oct. 1, 2014
Running late is exercise, right? Oct. 1, 2014
Only one thing keeps me from getting the new iPhone...iBroke Sep. 29, 2014
My iPhone seems to be broken. I pressed the home button and I'm still at work. Sep. 29, 2014
I wonder how many miles I've scrolled on my iPhone? Sep. 29, 2014
They say laughter is the best medicine. Actually, it's scoring more points than Frank. Sep. 25, 2014 Frank = Frank Isola, another panelist on the show
Knock, knock. Who's there? Frank. Frank who? Sep. 25, 2014 Frank = Frank Isola, another panelist on the show.
If we were school supplies I would be the ruler of this panel Sep. 25, 2014
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers. Sep. 23, 2014
I wrote a tune about a tortilla. Actually, it's more of a wrap song. Sep. 23, 2014
I started a band called 999 megabytes, we haven't gotten a gig yet. Sep. 23, 2014
I intend to live forever check back tomorrow. Sep. 17, 2014
I'm so ecstatic but why is nothing sticking to me? Sep. 17, 2014
Just went to an emotional wedding; even the cake was in tiers Sep. 17, 2014
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three Sep. 15, 2014
If Apple made a car, would it have windows? Sep. 15, 2014
I always offer two dinner choices: 1. Take it 2. Leave it Sep. 11, 2014
Easily distracted Sep. 11, 2014
I'm taking care of my procrastination issues. Just wait and see Sep. 11, 2014
Irony. The opposite of wrinkly Sep. 9, 2014
I know it's cheesy, but I feel grate Sep. 9, 2014
I prefer my puns intended Sep. 9, 2014
This panel brings out the best insults in me Sep. 4, 2014
Just call me "Mr. 57" or "Heinz" Sep. 4, 2014
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta. Sep. 2, 2014
My most prized possessions are the insults that never left my head Sep. 2, 2014
Frank, what are you doing here? Did someone call in sick? Sep. 2, 2014 Frank = Frank Isola, another panelist on the show
Like a good neighbor, stay over there Aug. 27, 2014
Frank, would you rather not be book smart or be Sesame Street smart? Aug. 27, 2014 Frank = Frank Isola, another panelist on the show.
I don't always lose my phone, but when I do, it's on silent. Aug. 25, 2014
Brand new studio, same old Woody. Aug. 25, 2014
Thanks for the advice. But what I really need are minions Aug. 19, 2014
Ice bank mice elf say it out loud Aug. 19, 2014
I'm rubber you're glue, let's make some award-winning art together Aug. 19, 2014
Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap Aug. 18, 2014
The best nicknames are the ones people don't know they have. Ask Bob Aug. 18, 2014 Bob = Bob Ryan, another panelist on the show.
We'll we'll we'll if it isn't autocorrect Aug. 14, 2014
17 wins. Great job Frank. But, I'm still more famous than you. -- Chalkboard Aug. 14, 2014 Frank = Frank Isola, another panelist on the show
At my age, every hour I work should be overtime. Aug. 14, 2014
Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver Aug. 12, 2014
My life has a superb cast, but I can't figure out the plot Aug. 12, 2014
Great! No Frank today. I still have two more wishes Aug. 12, 2014 Frank = Frank Isola, another panelist on the show
Never get into an argument with someone who types faster than you Aug. 11, 2014
Don't knock on Pablo's door. Ring the doorbell and run. He hates that! Aug. 11, 2014 Pablo = Pablo Torres, another panelist on the show (who was doing host duty since Tony was out)
It's officially Shark Week. Productivity level set to zero Aug. 11, 2014
Sometimes I wonder why the frisbee gets bigger. Then it hits me Aug. 8, 2014
Attention: Casual Friday has been cancelled due to Kevin Aug. 8, 2014 Kevin = Kevin Blackistone, another panelist on the show
Hey Bill, if you were a ninja turtle, which one would you be? Aug. 8, 2014 Bill = Bill Plaschke, another panelist on the show
I'm too busy working on my own grass to notice if yours is greener Aug. 7, 2014
Cowlishaw is very well educated on stuff that he makes up Aug. 7, 2014 Cowlishaw = Tim Cowlishaw, another panelist on the show
#TBT Prop Poll Aug. 7, 2014
I'm glad I was young and stupid before there were camera phones Aug. 6, 2014
Why aren't iPhone chargers called Apple juice? Aug. 6, 2014
Slide for sarcastic comment Aug. 6, 2014
I am not the type of person that you put on speaker phone Jul. 31, 2014
Frank ain't nothin but a hound dog Jul. 31, 2014 Frank = Frank Isola, another panelist on ATH
Don't be cruel Tony love me tender Jul. 31, 2014 Tony = Tony Reali, the host of ATH
Doorbell broken Yell "ding dong" really loud Jul. 30, 2014
The Hokey Pokey Clinic A place to turn yourself around Jul. 30, 2014
I'm 22.5 facetimes away from immortality Jul. 30, 2014
PRIVATE SIGN Please only look, don't read... what did I just say! Jul. 29, 2014
I'm 24,852 days old today but who's counting? Jul. 29, 2014 24,852 days old would place Woody's birthday on July 14, 1946. However, Woody's birthday seems to be June 27, 1946, which would be 24,869 days before today. But, again, who's counting.
I dropped my iPad in the sea, now Adele is rolling in the deep Jul. 29, 2014
You can now tune out Jul. 24, 2014
ATTENTION Stay tuned for a rare Woody 3-peat Jul. 24, 2014
I am very nice to my daughter. She's choosing my nursing home Jul. 23, 2014
I just realized the word "bed" actually looks like a bed. Jul. 23, 2014
This one's for Pat Jul. 23, 2014 Pat = Pat Bowlen who announced he was giving up control of the Broncos due to Alzheimer's disease
Got Woody? It does the ratings good Jul. 21, 2014
A few people lead normal lives despite owning cats Jul. 21, 2014
Garage Sale 80% off cat free Jul. 21, 2014
I may be old, but I got to see all the cool bands Jul. 16, 2014
If history repeats itself, I'm getting a dinosaur. Jul. 16, 2014
RE473.5PECT Jul. 16, 2014
Careful. You could end up in my next novel. Jul. 15, 2014
Deja stew; I've had that soup before Jul. 15, 2014
Introducing the Grahamwow! Jul. 15, 2014
I'm going to go stand outside, so if anyone asks I'm outstanding Jul. 10, 2014
Who needs a sexy beard with a body like this? Jul. 10, 2014
If he is a time traveling doctor, wouldn't that make him "Dr. When" Jul. 9, 2014
The Decision Beard or no beard? Jul. 9, 2014
Sharkmardzija sighted. Bat at own risk. Jul. 7, 2014
How about I take a selfie for every point I score today? Jul. 7, 2014
Discounted skydiving rates. Independence day special! Jul. 3, 2014
Fireworks expert! If you see me running, try to keep up Jul. 3, 2014
My group of death: Jun. 11, 2014
If you're cooler than me, does that make me hotter than you? Jun. 11, 2014
I had something clever to say but it wouldn't fit on this tiny board Jun. 11, 2014
If a seagull flew over the bay, would it then be a bagel? Jun. 10, 2014
What are the chances Madison Square Garden starts selling fish filet sandwiches? Jun. 10, 2014
Bob you look like a million bucks, all in loose change Jun. 6, 2014 Bob = Bob Ryan, another panelist on the show
AC turned off, but chalkboard can handle the heat Jun. 6, 2014
Calamine covers the spread in ivy league games Jun. 5, 2014
I'm sick and tired of always losing on Around the Horn Jun. 5, 2014 Isola = Frank Isola, another panelist on ATH
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool Jun. 4, 2014
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach Jun. 4, 2014
Backup my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse? May. 30, 2014
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges May. 30, 2014
I lost the spelling bee because I mispelled "misspell" May. 30, 2014
The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense. May. 29, 2014
If you think my answers are dumb, change your perception May. 29, 2014
Mind over matter? If you don't mind, it doesn't matter May. 29, 2014
There it is May. 23, 2014
Frank, sorry about the circle joke last show. There was no point to it. May. 23, 2014 Frank = Frank Isola, another panelist on the show. Circle joke last show here.
If I answer the cell phone will the ringing in my ear stop? May. 23, 2014
The 20 win circle May. 21, 2014 Frank = Frank Isola, another panelist on the show [pic]
I'm surprised I'm not an action figure by now. May. 21, 2014
If I could talk, I would tell you to stop writing on me May. 19, 2014
One chalkboard for sale! Bad attitude. Serious inquiries only May. 19, 2014
Like "Wheel of Fortune", I am now charging for vowels. -- Chalkboard May. 19, 2014
I have cat like reflexes, if the cat is Garfield. May. 14, 2014
I before E except after C...weird? May. 14, 2014
In dog years...I'm dead May. 13, 2014
Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant May. 13, 2014
woodypaige.com love at first site May. 8, 2014
If life gives you lemons, keep them. Free lemons. May. 8, 2014
Get real be rational May. 7, 2014 [pic]
Acute angle May. 7, 2014 [pic]
Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. May. 7, 2014
Hedgehogs: Why don't they just share the hedge? May. 5, 2014
Think outside the box May. 5, 2014 [pic]
Easily distracted by shiny objects, like Kevin's glasses May. 5, 2014 Kevin = Kevin Blackistone, another panelist on the show
If you all is y'all, then can your new poodle be your noodle? May. 2, 2014
I run a website, so I am a webmaster, like Spiderman May. 2, 2014
Happy Friday everyone. May the richest panelist win May. 2, 2014
Always give 100% in life, unless you're donating blood. Apr. 23, 2014
Pujols' 500 home runs good Paige's 2100 shows better! Apr. 23, 2014
When life gives you questions, Google has answers. Apr. 21, 2014
I am always disappointed when a liar's pants don't catch on fire Apr. 21, 2014
Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years. Apr. 21, 2014
What do you call a bunny with a dictionary in his pants? A smarty pants. Apr. 18, 2014
Where does the Easter bunny get his eggs? From eggplants. Apr. 18, 2014
What day does an easter egg had the most? Fry-days. Apr. 18, 2014
Never trust an atom. They make up everything Apr. 17, 2014
Don't grow up. It's a trap. Apr. 17, 2014
Welcome Please remove your shoes. Take mine on the way out Apr. 7, 2014
Loafers: My shoe style and my lifestyle Apr. 7, 2014
I'm wearing skinny jeans. Do they make me look fat? Apr. 7, 2014
Who is better looking? Me or Frank? --Chalkboard Apr. 3, 2014
Note to self: Insult Frank as much as possible Apr. 3, 2014 Frank = Frank Isola, another panelist on the show.
"I pity the fool" Apr. 1, 2014
The Woody Project Apr. 1, 2014
"Kiss my grits" Apr. 1, 2014
I hear the sound of the mute button in my sleep Mar. 28, 2014
It's going to be a rough day Mar. 28, 2014 [pic]
I feel like I'm being watched Mar. 28, 2014
I "overuse" air quotes Mar. 25, 2014
Dogs have owners, cats have staff Mar. 25, 2014
I can't even be trusted to type what I mean Mar. 25, 2014
I do what I want, when I want...as long as Mom says it's OK Mar. 18, 2014
My bracket: Mar. 18, 2014 [pic]
Beat Woody's final 4! Win a chalkboard. Go to [woodypaige.com] Mar. 18, 2014 [pic]
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth. Mar. 14, 2014
I always thought air was free, then I bought a bag of chips. Mar. 14, 2014
I don't have birthdays. I level up. Mar. 12, 2014
Don't ask me. I was hired for my looks. Mar. 12, 2014
Free agent pricetags Mar. 12, 2014
What I want What I do to get it Mar. 10, 2014 [pic]
If you even dream of beating me, wake up and apologize Mar. 10, 2014
Keep the dream alive. Hit the snooze button. Mar. 10, 2014
I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you. Mar. 7, 2014
List of things I hate Mar. 7, 2014 [pic]
I like to party. And by party I mean take naps. Mar. 7, 2014
Ah! The element of surprise! Mar. 6, 2014 [pic]
Bacon your pardon, I mustache you a question Mar. 6, 2014 [pic]
Who should I wear when I host the Oscars next year? Mar. 3, 2014
Raise your hand if you have at least 10 wins. Sorry Frank. Mar. 3, 2014 Frank = Frank Isola, another panelist on the show.
Pull yourself together man Mar. 3, 2014 [pic]
Whatever happened to the #1 pencil? Feb. 26, 2014
My mechanic couldn't fix my brakes, so he told me to use my feet Feb. 26, 2014
Why the long face? Feb. 26, 2014
I'm getting a tattoo Feb. 25, 2014
Talk nerdy to me Feb. 25, 2014
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat Feb. 24, 2014
Things that come after 70 Feb. 24, 2014 [pic]
The top two reasons I love being on ATH Feb. 24, 2014
OK, so what is the speed of dark? Feb. 20, 2014
Hockey Nut Feb. 20, 2014 [pic]
Hay Hay Needle Hay Hay Feb. 20, 2014 [pic]
Hey bro, did you gain weight? Feb. 19, 2014 [pic]
My sleep # is 463. Or is that my # of wins? Feb. 19, 2014
Czech mate! Feb. 19, 2014
Does this pink chalk make me look fat? Feb. 17, 2014
My sources are unreliable, but their info is fascinating Feb. 17, 2014
English muffin Feb. 17, 2014 Picture of a muffin with a groomed mustache and a monocle. [pic]
Often in error never in doubt Feb. 13, 2014
To the best of my recollection I don't remember Feb. 13, 2014
We get some kind of weather here everyday Feb. 13, 2014
I am the real star. Not him Feb. 11, 2014 Arrow pointing at Woody [pic]
Without me chalk is useless Feb. 11, 2014
Most of his fan mail is addressed to me Feb. 11, 2014 Arrow pointing at Woody [pic]
3.14% of sailors are pirates Feb. 10, 2014
I tried to hashtag #. Why didn't that work? Feb. 10, 2014
I'm just a pawn in this Reali'ty show Feb. 10, 2014
Snowstorm in Manhattan: Please advise Feb. 3, 2014 Woody in NYC for Super Bowl, and there was some snow (2-4 inches)
This one's for the John Feb. 3, 2014
I'm in a New Jersey state of mind Jan. 30, 2014 Woody in NYC for Super Bowl
The chalkboard is real memorabilia Jan. 30, 2014
I tried 2 drown my sorrows but they learned 2 swim Jan. 30, 2014
I'll have a diet soda w/2 sugars Jan. 28, 2014
NY guy says will trade wife 4 S.B. tix!!! Jan. 28, 2014 Woody in NYC for Super Bowl
NY cop says I love pardon the horn Jan. 28, 2014 Woody in NYC for Super Bowl
My statisticals are better than yours. -Richard Sherman Jan. 22, 2014
Pot roast recipe Jan. 22, 2014 [pic]
Writing with chalk is pointless Jan. 22, 2014
I'm stupid, but I have a smart phone Jan. 20, 2014
Manning's a money back guarantee Jan. 20, 2014
Why the long face, Bob? Jan. 20, 2014 [pic]
I'm confused wait, maybe I'm not Jan. 17, 2014
Free shrugs Jan. 17, 2014
Spelling is difficoult Jan. 17, 2014
I started out with nothing. I still have most of it. Jan. 14, 2014
I don't respond to anonymous mail. Jan. 14, 2014
Bolo ties are out. I'm wearing man Uggs Jan. 14, 2014
If plan "A" doesn't work, the alphabet has 25 more letters Jan. 8, 2014
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out Jan. 8, 2014
You mad, bro? Jan. 8, 2014
You had me at the proper use of you're Jan. 6, 2014
Don't read the next line. You rebel Jan. 6, 2014
If you fall, I'll be there. -- Floor Jan. 6, 2014
If you're on the right track make sure you don't sit there Jan. 2, 2014
All blackboard sayings 75% off Jan. 2, 2014
I hate chalkboard autocorrect Jan. 2, 2014