Alexa:
What am I doing here?

Hello, Canada. I brought my eh game today for you.

I’m an adult person.
Sort of.

I’d rather spend midnight at the oasis than be in the desert on a horse with no name.

I won’t be on ATH tomorrow because of load management.
&emdash; William Paris

The one thing I can always count on are my fingers.
&emdash; Michael Carmellini

I’m envious of people who have never met Frank.

Note: Frank = Frank Isola, another panelist on the show

Where was the 1981 Standord band when Cowboys needed it?
Doing Around The Horn is dangerous. Don’t try this at home.
I want to appear on an alternative universe Arount The Horn

I promised I would fix it, and I will.
Someday.

Life is too short for cheap wine, cheap toilet paper and cheap men.
Hey, McCarthy, The Wizards lost 10 straight.
In 1555 Nostradamus predicted I would win ATH today.
Nobody else on this panel can drive a stick.
I’m not condescending or sending holiday cards to inferior people.
I presented Judge with wit of habeus corpuscle.
Did 100 sumo squats before ATH. Won’t do didly squat during the show.

New ATH segment called
Binary or Cell.

I created the American Apathy Association. Nobody became a member.
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