Woody’s Chalkboards (2016)

Quip Date Note
Don't stop belivin' Dec. 21, 2016 drawing of Santa [pic]
Jingle Bell Rock Dec. 21, 2016 [pic]
Christmas: The only time of year where you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks Dec. 20, 2016
"Rapping paper" Dec. 20, 2016 [pic]
For a detective, a surprise party is the ultimate insult Dec. 15, 2016
Don't be ashamed of who you are. That's your parents' job. Dec. 15, 2016
Sometimes I question my sanity, but the unicorn in the kitchen told me I'm fine Dec. 14, 2016
An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough Dec. 14, 2016
Tony has a vested interest in me losing today Dec. 9, 2016 Tony = Tony Reali, and he was wearing a vest
You look really funny doing that with your head Dec. 9, 2016 [pic]
If I had a dollar for every time algebra has helped me, I'd have 'n' dollars Dec. 5, 2016
The plateau is the highest form of flattery Dec. 5, 2016
I speak three languages, English, profanity and sarcasm Dec. 2, 2016
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand Dec. 2, 2016
I'm a perfectionist with a procrastinator complex. Some day I'm going to be awesome Nov. 29, 2016
It's OK if you disagree with me. I can't force you to be right Nov. 29, 2016
I'm not random; you just can't think as fast as me Nov. 22, 2016
I hate when people accuse me of lolly gagging when I am clearly dilly dallying Nov. 22, 2016
How I cut carbs Nov. 21, 2016 drawing of a pizza cutter [pic]
I have a conflict of no interest Nov. 21, 2016
I don't have any bad habits. I'm good at them all Nov. 18, 2016
I hate it when people don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". There so stupid. Nov. 18, 2016
Jellyfish survived millions of years with no brains. There is hope for Frank. Nov. 15, 2016 Frank = Frank Isola, another panelist on the show
Being cremated is my last chance for a smoking hot body Nov. 15, 2016
If you can't laugh at yourself, let me do it Nov. 10, 2016
I've had a busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide Nov. 10, 2016
Here I am! What are your other two wishes? Nov. 9, 2016
To quote Macbeth Act II, Scene I, Line 587: "Shut up!" Nov. 9, 2016
I came, I spoke, I got muted Nov. 4, 2016
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge Nov. 4, 2016
Change is good, but ones are better Nov. 1, 2016
Can't we all just get along? Nov. 1, 2016 drawing of rock, paper, scissors [pic]
'Be yourself' can be the worst advice you can give to some people Oct. 27, 2016
I can change a red stoplight to green just by staring at it Oct. 27, 2016
Surely, not everyone was kung-fu fighting Oct. 25, 2016
How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on Oct. 25, 2016
Never ask a starfish for directions Oct. 21, 2016 Drawing of a starfish [pic]
Stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancies Oct. 21, 2016
Sometimes I use words I don't understand, so I can sound more photosynthesis Oct. 19, 2016
Never trust someone that is directing traffic in a hospital gown Oct. 19, 2016
I bonded with James Bond Oct. 13, 2016
I outbourned Jason Bourne Oct. 13, 2016
If you're having second thoughts you're two ahead of most people. Oct. 10, 2016
I tried normal once. Worst three minutes of my life. Oct. 10, 2016
I have a dream that one day sailors won't feel pressured to swear Oct. 7, 2016
Hide and seek champion Oct. 7, 2016 drawing of big foot [pic]
It's not difficult to tell alligators and crocodiles apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later Oct. 6, 2016
I'm throwing a party for introverts, and no one is coming Oct. 6, 2016
I learn from mistakes from the people who take my advice Oct. 3, 2016
Excusez mon francais fries Oct. 3, 2016
Don't tell me to do it Sep. 30, 2016 [pic]
Hold onto your seat. I'm about to get real loud Sep. 30, 2016
Awesome and handsome both end with 'me'...coincidence? Me think not Sep. 26, 2016
Make mine an Arnold Palmer Sep. 26, 2016
What are those flowers with blue blossoms and yellow centers? I forget. Sep. 23, 2016
Calm down. Take a deep breath...and hold it for 20 minutes. Sep. 23, 2016
I'm never overwhelmed or underwhelmed. I'm always whelmed. Sep. 20, 2016
I've been asked to join a think tank...I think not Sep. 20, 2016
"I'm sorry" and "My bad" mean the same thing...unless you're at a funeral Sep. 14, 2016
If you think my chalkboards are ridiculous, you should see my life choices Sep. 14, 2016
When one door closes, open it again, because that's how doors work Sep. 13, 2016
I don't think inside the box. I don't think outside the box. I don't even know where the box is. Sep. 13, 2016
Where are the nuggets? Sep. 9, 2016 [pic]
Don't adjust your television set. I really am this handsome. Sep. 9, 2016
Great minds think like me...I think Sep. 7, 2016
I want truth, justice and the American way. I never get my way Sep. 7, 2016
For those who haven't done so, please do so now Aug. 23, 2016
I can melt ice with my mind... it just takes a few minutes Aug. 23, 2016
I am a recovering vegetarian Aug. 22, 2016
Does a home school mom hold parent-teacher conferences with herself? Aug. 22, 2016
Beware of good deals... Aug. 16, 2016
I was an honor student. I don't know what happened Aug. 16, 2016
A kayaker hit a sofa; swimmer hit Tim Couch Aug. 9, 2016
A four-way stop is an I.Q. test you take in public Aug. 9, 2016
A breeze on a hot day is like standing in front of a giant hairdryer Aug. 8, 2016
If at first you do succeed, try not to look so surprised Aug. 8, 2016
Rio athletes advised to keep their heads above water. Thus, the fastest dog-paddler will take home the gold Aug. 5, 2016
Opening Ceremony 2016 Rio Olympics Aug. 5, 2016 drawing of stick figure lighting a giant citronella candle [pic]
In a world full of Kardashians, be a Woody Aug. 4, 2016
I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram Aug. 4, 2016
If you think you're stupid, just remember Pablo is outside looking for Pokemon Aug. 2, 2016 Pablo = Pablo Torre, another panelist on the show
Woody's Advice of the Day Aug. 2, 2016
I was standing outside a bar last night. I was outstanding! Jul. 29, 2016
Phoenix has a dry heat...and I'm the HOT TICKET!! Jul. 29, 2016 Woody was in Phoenix
I try really hard, but this guy keeps failing me Jul. 28, 2016 Arrow pointing at Woody [pic]
Waffles are just pancakes with abs Jul. 28, 2016 [pic]
The inventor of Mad Libs died today. He was eighty-taco years-old Jul. 26, 2016
Confusing Baseball Tradition #1 Jul. 26, 2016
The only time I set the bar low is during a game of limbo Jul. 20, 2016
I love the way the Earth rotates. It really makes my day. Jul. 20, 2016
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went Jul. 19, 2016
Narcisstick Jul. 19, 2016 Drawing of a selfie stick [pic]
If everyday is a gift, then today I received a pair of socks Jul. 18, 2016
There is no 'U' in awesome, but there is a 'me' Jul. 18, 2016
I really need to step up my stair puns Jul. 15, 2016
I wonder if the ocean is salty because land doesn't wave back Jul. 15, 2016
Lets wrap this up lickety split, I've got Pokemon to catch Jul. 14, 2016
Welcome to the show Ramona! Another foil! Jul. 14, 2016 Ramona = Ramona Shelburne, a new panelist to the show
Ban pre-shredded cheese. Make America grate again Jul. 11, 2016
My favorite team is procrasti, and I’m thinking about joining their nation, but I’ll decide later Jul. 11, 2016
I had a neck brace fitted years ago, and I never looked back Jun. 24, 2016
I wear a Speedo when I want the entire pool deck to myself Jun. 24, 2016
Things Meat Loaf would do for love Jun. 20, 2016 Pie chart showing "anything" and "that" [pic]
USGA ruled today Irving's shot was a 2-pointer Jun. 20, 2016
I like to hold hands at the movies...which always seems to startle strangers Jun. 17, 2016
I lost my junk food eating contest because I had a chip on my shoulder Jun. 17, 2016
Some people need a good pat on the back Jun. 14, 2016 [pic]
The ATH producer has asked me to keep the lights off in my studio Jun. 14, 2016
I'm ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar Jun. 13, 2016
Tip of the day: Donuts make the best bracelets Jun. 13, 2016
Your stomach dunlapped over your belt Jun. 8, 2016
Do you have the dunlap disease? Jun. 8, 2016
Mister Rogers didn't effectively prepare me for the people in my neighborhood Jun. 7, 2016
The ATH director has asked me to sit backward. He's tired of looking at my face. Jun. 7, 2016
When nature calls, I let it go to voicemail Jun. 6, 2016
Broncos at the White House today. I'm in Tony's dog house. Jun. 6, 2016 Tony = Tony Reali, the host of ATH.
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack should be 2nd round pick Jun. 3, 2016
I don't think these new young panelists, or Tim, understand brilliance Jun. 3, 2016 Tim = Tim Cowlishaw, another panelist on the show
Today I re-wrote history Jun. 1, 2016
Not only is my short-term memory horrible, but so is my short-term memory Jun. 1, 2016
If owning a DSLR camera makes me a photographer, then call me Superman, because I'm wearing red undies May. 24, 2016
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar May. 24, 2016
All of these one-liners I come up with and I still don't have my own sitcom? May. 23, 2016
Wardrobe Quality May. 23, 2016 [pic]
Why do dogs run to the door when the doorbell rings? It's rarely ever for them May. 19, 2016
My 2020 vision allows me to see four years into the future May. 19, 2016
Laughing gas May. 18, 2016 [pic]
Keys to happiness May. 18, 2016 [pic]
Slack cut yourself some May. 12, 2016 [pic]
Photoshop: Helping Frank Isola since 1988 May. 12, 2016 Frank Isola is another panelist on the show
Shout out to my arms for always being on my side May. 10, 2016
Yes, English can be strange; however it can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though May. 10, 2016
Gone fishing come up with your own saying today May. 9, 2016
Random axe of kindness May. 6, 2016 This is the same chalkboard from May 3, 2016. [pic]
Frank, remember that the best nicknames are the ones people don't know they have May. 6, 2016 Frank = Frank Isola, another panelist on the show
Random axe of kindness May. 3, 2016 Drawing of an axe with a complement [pic]
Cleaning Tip #1: While listening to music, never use the toilet brush as your microphone May. 3, 2016
The list of my best puns of 2016: Apr. 28, 2016
How to have a beach body Apr. 28, 2016
Live everyday like it's taco Tuesday Apr. 26, 2016
I chose the road less traveled. Now where am I? Apr. 26, 2016
In honor of Earth Day, I moved all of my emails to the recycle folder Apr. 22, 2016
Prince was definitely one among men Apr. 22, 2016
If at first you don't succeed, hit a double Apr. 20, 2016
I'm trying to see how many words I can fit on the chalkboard Apr. 20, 2016 [pic]
You don't know what you've got until it's gone. For example, toilet paper. Apr. 18, 2016
Admit it, your life would be boring without me Apr. 18, 2016
Isola + Cowlishaw = Frank n' Beans Apr. 14, 2016
If you don't have something nice to say, say it sarcastically Apr. 14, 2016
I dream that one day a chicken can cross the road without its motives being questioned Apr. 13, 2016
People who are awesome: Apr. 13, 2016 Pie graph showing 100% with the legend "Me" [pic]
I bought the worst thesaurus, not only is it terrible, but it's also terrible Apr. 5, 2016
Every family has one weird relative. If you can't name who it is, then it's probably you. Apr. 5, 2016
If he could chuck wood, Woody do it? Mar. 29, 2016
Auto-correct can go straight to he'll Mar. 29, 2016
I always put my shoes on before my pants to remind myself that life is not easy Mar. 25, 2016
Alligators can grow up to 15 feet, but most have just four Mar. 25, 2016
I'd like to meet Dr. Pepper. I hear he is quite the fizzsicist Mar. 24, 2016
I'm definitely the number one overall seed on this panel Mar. 24, 2016
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else Mar. 16, 2016
I don't need a hairstylist. My pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. Mar. 16, 2016
I'm modest, and I love to tell everyone Mar. 14, 2016
I hated math until I found out about Pi day Mar. 14, 2016 Picture of a Pi pie
Advice: Never test how deep the water is with both feet Mar. 11, 2016
Technically the glass is always full Mar. 11, 2016 Pic of glass showing ½ water and ½ air [pic]
Life it too short for fake butter and ejecting a USB properly. Mar. 8, 2016
The light at the end of the tunnel was sold on Craigslist Mar. 8, 2016
What would MacGyver do? Mar. 2, 2016 [pic]
I had jury duty yesterday. I was eliminated after the opening argument. Mar. 2, 2016
It's always darkest before the dawn, so if you're going to steal your neighbor's paper, that's the time to do it Feb. 29, 2016
This is a great day to be a frog Feb. 29, 2016
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you Feb. 26, 2016
Give me ambiguity or give me something else Feb. 26, 2016
I'm not arguing with you. I'm just explaining why I'm right. Feb. 22, 2016
All of my friends say I'm sweeter than 3.1416 Feb. 22, 2016
Shakespeare's hardest decision was which pencil to use 2B or not 2B? Feb. 17, 2016
I before E...except when you run a feisty heist in a weird foreign neighborhood Feb. 17, 2016
If you ever question my intelligence, just remember there was no Google when I was in school Feb. 10, 2016
My fake plants are dead. I wish I would have pretended to water them. Feb. 10, 2016
Forget Rice-a-Roni; I'm the San Francisco treat Feb. 8, 2016
Not my last rodeo, but my last media bus ride Feb. 8, 2016
If the Panthers win, I'll spend the night in Alcatraz Feb. 5, 2016
If the Broncos win, I'm painting the Golden Gate Bridge orange. Feb. 5, 2016
I'm setting up a table at interview night. Meeting is 25 cents Feb. 1, 2016
Tomorrow I'm escaping into Alcatraz Feb. 1, 2016
Camping is all in tents and purposes outside Jan. 27, 2016
Bill, the book I got you for Christmas is due back at the library today Jan. 27, 2016 Bill = Bill Plaschke, another panelist on the show
Hedgehogs are rude. They never share the hedge. Jan. 25, 2016
I once auditioned to be a trumpeter, but I blew it Jan. 25, 2016
Early to bed, early to rise, means you can't watch west coast games Jan. 19, 2016
Never give up on your dreams. Unless your dream is to be younger. Jan. 19, 2016
Math: The only place people buy 72 oranges and no one wonders why Jan. 18, 2016
A bizarre bazaar is a strange place to shop Jan. 18, 2016
Reali sits on paper towels. Mute me on the bounty. Jan. 12, 2016 Reali = Tony Reali, the host of ATH.
Loading an online shopping cart with $1.4 billion worth of random stuff takes a long time Jan. 12, 2016
Always give 100 percent. Unless you're donating blood. Jan. 11, 2016
My accupuncturist always gets the jab well done Jan. 11, 2016 accupuncturist [sic]
Do lobster cops use rubber bands instead of handcuffs? Jan. 8, 2016
The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. Every winner has been from Earth Jan. 8, 2016
When in doubt I mumble and hope not to get muted Jan. 5, 2016
We all know babies come from storks, but do the heavier ones come from cranes? Jan. 5, 2016