Woody’s Chalkboards (2019)

Quip Date Note
I've been nice this year Santa. Viewers might disagree Dec. 19, 2019
Seems like I'm roasting on an open fire today Dec. 19, 2019
My favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills Dec. 16, 2019
Man in "15 Items Or Less" lane has 32. Math major? Harvard graduate? Dec. 16, 2019
Only 11 shopping days until I go broke Dec. 13, 2019
I wore this red shirt to Target today. Ended up with a part-time job Dec. 13, 2019
I have a million nerves in my body. Reali irritates them all Dec. 9, 2019 Reali = Tony Reali, the host of ATH
Banana nut muffin $152,000 Dec. 9, 2019 A banana nut muffin was taped to the chalkboard with duct tape, like that art piece. The muffin fell off during the first segment, and Woody ate it going into commercial.
Disney hired me to be goofy. I've succeeded Dec. 5, 2019
I am a star on a trek to boldly go nowhere Dec. 5, 2019
Baby Yoda adopting I am Dec. 3, 2019
When "check engine" light comes on, I think "maybe next week" Dec. 3, 2019
My strength of schedule on ATH this year is not strong Dec. 2, 2019
If in doubt, analytics Dec. 2, 2019
Who's your daddy, turkey? Nov. 26, 2019
I won't be dressing 4 Thanksgiving. I will be stuffing...my face Nov. 26, 2019
Snow ice cream recipe: Vanilla extract, sugar, white, not yellow, snow Nov. 25, 2019
Just saw "Knives Out" preview. Very sharp Nov. 25, 2019
I sold my homing pigeon today on eBay for the 16th time Nov. 14, 2019
I do crunches every day. Bacon. Crunch, crunch, crunch Nov. 14, 2019
If cauliflower is on pizza, anything is possible Nov. 12, 2019
My mind is independently owned and operated Nov. 12, 2019
I have thesaurus Nov. 11, 2019
Thought I was talking to Alexa. It was a tuna fish can Nov. 11, 2019
Mony talks. To me it says "Good-bye" Nov. 6, 2019
My take-home pay is not enough to take me home Nov. 6, 2019
My dentist and my manicurist fight tooth and nail Nov. 5, 2019
I will say something today that will be confusing...even to me Nov. 5, 2019
Memo to math: Don't bother me. Solve your own problems Oct. 28, 2019
Got email about ham, pork, preservatives Oct. 28, 2019
Parallel parking tip: Park somewhere else Oct. 26, 2019
I offer you opinions for free. Offer void in states where prohibited Oct. 26, 2019
Tony says I need professional help. OK. Chef, driver, housekeeper Oct. 21, 2019 Tony = Tony Reali, the host of ATH
All my bills say "outstanding". Glad I'm good at something Oct. 21, 2019
Baseball playoffs should be in mornings. I could stay up for extra innings Oct. 18, 2019
My proverb Oct. 18, 2019
Go big or go home? I can't take a nap at big Oct. 17, 2019
When I need something, I can't find it. When I find it, I don't need it Oct. 17, 2019
I used to sow wild oats. Today I ate shredded wheat Oct. 8, 2019
I don't like redundancies. They are repetitive Oct. 8, 2019
In Hawaii I go fat-dipping Oct. 7, 2019
If you don't like my opinions, fill out the proper forms Oct. 7, 2019
We are not in Kansas anymore, Toto Oct. 3, 2019
I blessed the rains down in Africa - Toto Oct. 3, 2019
Pros and cons of cooking: Oct. 2, 2019
Three hardest things to say: Oct. 2, 2019
Clerk said I needed more change. I told him I can't Sep. 27, 2019
I have a fear of giants. Feefiphobia Sep. 27, 2019
Today's show has all the earmarks of an eyesore Sep. 26, 2019
I think I can hear myself think Sep. 26, 2019
I had Miami of Ohio plus 70. So close Sep. 23, 2019
Checked myself into hokey pokey rehab center, and I turned myself around Sep. 23, 2019
Nobody else has 599.5 of anything Sep. 17, 2019
I'm actually a lot weirder in person Sep. 17, 2019
Spetember is suicide prevention awareness month. Sep. 11, 2019
We must never forget the memory of 9/11 Sep. 11, 2019
Chicken-fried steak best food item ever. The rest is just gravy Sep. 9, 2019
I know who's the most important person on ATH. Read first word again Sep. 9, 2019
Never thought I'd be someone who works out at a gym 2 hours daily. I was right Sep. 6, 2019
As I drove into cemetery GPS said I'd arrived at my final destination Sep. 6, 2019
My cow doesn't produce. Milk dud Sep. 3, 2019
Reali's back. Hope he went to a school to learn scoring Sep. 3, 2019 Reali = Tony Reali, the host of ATH
Yoga, Yoga, Yoga Aug. 30, 2019
I live in Marvel world as Commander Chalkboard. My super power is eliminating Stugotz Aug. 30, 2019 Stugotz is another panelist on the show
You are just as unique as other, only less so Aug. 29, 2019
Hey, you, get off my cloud storage Aug. 29, 2019
If there is a tie after buy or sell, oldest panelist must advance Aug. 28, 2019
PayPal turned me down as a friend Aug. 28, 2019
If I say I will call you later, it will be sometime in my lifetime Aug. 13, 2019
I had to repeat pre-school twice Aug. 13, 2019
I'm not often wrong, but when I am wrong, it's the wrongest of all-time wrongs. Right? Aug. 12, 2019
I want one viewer to stay up all night thinking only about me Aug. 12, 2019
Pier 17 in Manhattan is the cause for all my troubles Jul. 30, 2019 Tony Reali, the host of ATH, is in the studio located near Pier 17
My senior thesis about using less paper was 2,400 pages Jul. 30, 2019
Tony can't mute me today if I whisper and speak Latin Jul. 29, 2019
KB will be the professor in Gilligan's Island reboot. Imagine Mina as Mary Ann Jul. 29, 2019
I must do a butter job on my diet Jul. 25, 2019
I feel inhibited because I think people are watching me Jul. 25, 2019
Summary of my life: Ctrl-Alt-Del Jul. 23, 2019
Chase is inevitable. I have a drawer full of pennies and dimes Jul. 23, 2019
Sometimes I feel stupid. Then I listen to Stugotz Jul. 19, 2019 Stugotz is another panelist on the show
I keep clicking the space bar, but, sadly, I'm still on Earth Jul. 19, 2019
I don't follow instructions. I didn't come here to read Jul. 16, 2019
I dreamed I had insomnia. Woke up and couldn't sleep Jul. 16, 2019
Colorado has been voted fifth best state. Need a clue why? Jul. 12, 2019
I'm trying to find "ATH - The Lost Episodes" Jul. 12, 2019
My studio is the size of a water closet. Without a toilet Jul. 10, 2019
I keep my friends close, Reali in New York Jul. 10, 2019 Reali = Tony Reali, the host of ATH
Stand by for my exit velocity Jul. 9, 2019
I have a new launch angle to try on Tony Jul. 9, 2019 Tony = Tony Reali, the host of ATH
If a stranger sits next to you, say: "Did you bring the money?" Jun. 27, 2019
I always thought it would take a lot longer to get to 73 Jun. 27, 2019
I asked a bank clerk to check my balance. He pushed me over Jun. 25, 2019
In my defense I was left unsupervised as a child Jun. 25, 2019
My grocery list today Jun. 24, 2019
It's not a sport if you ride in a cart, drink, eat, smoke and lie about your score Jun. 24, 2019
Miss White just left Colonel Mustard for Professor Plum. No clue why Jun. 18, 2019
If you get a call you don't want, say: "Hello, you're on the air" Jun. 18, 2019
I didn't fall. I was checking to see if gravity works Jun. 14, 2019
Never say "It goes without saying," then say it Jun. 14, 2019
I don't argue with Sarah. I just mentor her on how to be right Jun. 12, 2019 Sarah = Sarah Spain, another panelist on the show
I didn't know you award points at home. I shouldn't have been told Jun. 12, 2019
My guardian angel just gave me two weeks notice Jun. 4, 2019
I would act my age, but I've never been this age before Jun. 4, 2019
Have a nice weekend, as if I care May. 30, 2019
Congratulations to the 8 speling bee champs May. 30, 2019
Don't be such a fool May. 28, 2019 [pic]
I specialize in paranormal activity May. 28, 2019
I don't have time and crayons to explain myself to you May. 23, 2019
He was a dark and stormy knight May. 23, 2019
When I lose today I want participation ribbon and parting gifts May. 20, 2019
If I can be on TV, so can you. Send for my brochure. $11,538 May. 20, 2019
No animals were hurt during the making of this show. My feelings were May. 17, 2019
I woke up on wrong side of bed today. In the wrong house May. 17, 2019
My lousy car won't autocorrect May. 15, 2019
The Knicks shouldn't buy lottery tickets this week May. 15, 2019
Jeopardy category: Fools named Stugotz May. 10, 2019 Stugotz was another panelist on this episode
I held sign at airport today that said: "Godot" May. 10, 2019
Cut me some slack. I'm doing my best May. 9, 2019
This blackboard may include sensitive content May. 9, 2019 some words censored [pic]
Early to bed, early to rise, Ben Franklin? Go fly a kite! May. 3, 2019
I'm not easy on the eyes. Or the ears. But I smell good May. 3, 2019
I am a professional puntificator May. 1, 2019
My world-famous chili recipe: Open can. Heat. Eat May. 1, 2019
In B or S I'm crossing to the dork side Apr. 30, 2019
Welcome to the game of clones! Arya ready? Apr. 30, 2019
Warning! Don't step on my guard dog Apr. 26, 2019
I have a better chance of being drafted than winning this show Apr. 26, 2019
I'm just here for the points and the snacks Apr. 24, 2019
Linkedin just emailed me. I'm qualified as Sherwin-Williams color mixer Apr. 24, 2019
Once a pun a time far away and long ago Apr. 22, 2019
A shout-out to all my peeps. Apr. 22, 2019 Drawing of four yellow marshmallow Peeps
I'm young in Galapagos giant tortoise years Apr. 18, 2019
I'm milk of magnesia intolerant Apr. 18, 2019
I'm not lost. I'm a professional explorer Apr. 15, 2019
Warning! This panelist will get frequent mutes today Apr. 15, 2019
Buying Powerball tickets is my retirement plan Apr. 8, 2019
If you have to choose between bacon and being skinny, do you choose applewood? Apr. 8, 2019
I don't take the Rockies for granite Apr. 5, 2019
I'm having people over for dinner. They asked what they could bring. I said "dinner" Apr. 5, 2019
I want to spend the rest of my life laughing Apr. 3, 2019
My family's menu had two choices: take it or leave it Apr. 3, 2019
I dream of falling off a cliff. I wake up on the floor Mar. 27, 2019
I'm a non-profit operation, but not by choice Mar. 27, 2019
Am I the only one who kicks dropped ice under the fridge? Mar. 25, 2019
Bored by chalk brackets? Chalkboard ♡s it! Mar. 25, 2019
Cold? Sit in a corner. It's 90 degrees Mar. 20, 2019
People who think they know everything annoy the rest of us who do Mar. 20, 2019
I wanted Fairleigh Dickinson to play Harley Davidson Mar. 18, 2019
Policeman asked where I was between 5 and 6. Kindergarten Mar. 18, 2019
I do cross-fit. Cross my fingers and hope my pants fit Mar. 13, 2019
At my church the bishop moves diagonally Mar. 13, 2019
What hair color does K.B. put on his driver's license? N/A Mar. 11, 2019 K.B. = Kevin Blackistone, another panelist on the show
Friday I tweeted: Mar. 11, 2019
In terms of computers, a Dell makes the best music Mar. 8, 2019
Despite what you think, I don't put a lampshade on my head at parties and talk sports Mar. 8, 2019
My favorite email categories are spam and eggs Mar. 6, 2019
I mix olive oil with kale. Easier to scrape kale into the trash can Mar. 6, 2019
I'm a hip-hop artist. I do paintings of rabbits Feb. 27, 2019
I have one word of advice for you: bohemianrhapsody Feb. 27, 2019
Yesterday I took two laps around the gym. I might go in tomorrow Feb. 22, 2019
The last time I was somebody's type, I was donating blood Feb. 22, 2019
Dear A. B.: Call me Mr. Big Mouth Feb. 21, 2019
My daughter thinks I have a real job Feb. 21, 2019
I have two words for you. Two words Feb. 19, 2019
I burned 2,000 calories yesterday. Left the brownies in the oven too long Feb. 19, 2019
I can keep a secret. The people I tell it to can't Feb. 12, 2019
I want to go to another planet and make circles in their crops Feb. 12, 2019
Chillin' with my gnomies Feb. 11, 2019 Drawn pic of a garden gnome [pic]
If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? Feb. 11, 2019
I started Pita. I want to protect all breads Feb. 8, 2019
I had lunch with a vegan. Let's meat again Feb. 8, 2019
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you Feb. 7, 2019
I talk to myself before ATH. I need expert advice Feb. 7, 2019
Thesaurus favorite "Wizard of Oz" character? Antonym Feb. 5, 2019
What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast? Synonym rolls Feb. 5, 2019
Add mayo to your guacamole! You'll love it and me Feb. 1, 2019
Don't believe everything you think Feb. 1, 2019
2,600 shows, 5,280 blackboards Jan. 30, 2019
Mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter Jan. 30, 2019
My hamster is smarter than your honor student Jan. 28, 2019
I'm on two diets. Allows me to eat twice as much Jan. 28, 2019
I wanted to run away and join the circus. My dad said he would drive me Jan. 25, 2019
My pet lizard has reptile dysfunction Jan. 25, 2019
I don't know what I want to be when I grow up Jan. 24, 2019
I do all my own stunts, but not intentionally Jan. 24, 2019
My childhood was awful. Forced to watch Lawrence Welk with parents Jan. 21, 2019
Is Tony my enemy? Asking for a friend Jan. 21, 2019 Tony = Tony Reali, the host of ATH
You should eat 1,200 calories a day. More at night Jan. 17, 2019
Why does it cost $2 to put air in my tires? Inflation Jan. 17, 2019
More interested in night light than night life, baby Jan. 15, 2019
I'm not on vegan diet. Vegas diet. All-you-can-eat buffets Jan. 15, 2019
I just bought two copies of "How To Solve Half Of Your Problems In One Day" Jan. 3, 2019
I'm great at being patient. I just can't do it for very long Jan. 3, 2019
Sting has disappeared. The Police have no lead Jan. 2, 2019
Happy New Year! Let's get it right in 2019 Jan. 2, 2019