| Quip | Date | Note |
|---|---|---|
| I saw mommy kissing the appliance repair man. | Dec. 12, 2024 | |
| Dear Santa, I can explain. Don't mute me. | Dec. 12, 2024 | |
| I'm not ill. I'm just an in flu encer. | Dec. 4, 2024 | |
| My parents had me when they were teenagers. What did you expect? | Dec. 4, 2024 | |
| Today I'm so aggressive I'll surround the horn. | Nov. 22, 2024 | |
| I have selective hearing. I've selected not to listen to Tony today. | Nov. 22, 2024 | Tony = Tony Reali, the host of ATH |
| Where does the time go? | Nov. 14, 2024 | |
| Ben Franklin was wrong. Early to bed, early to rise makes a man miss west coast NBA games. | Nov. 14, 2024 | |
| I'm not ascending. I'm condescending. | Nov. 6, 2024 | |
| I read the terms and conditions. Don't understand either. | Nov. 6, 2024 | |
| My death has been a living hell | Oct. 31, 2024 | [pic] |
| Betelgeuse | Oct. 31, 2024 | [pic] |
| Raise your hand if you agree with me. Thanks to both of you. | Oct. 25, 2024 | |
| It's getting late. Vote early. | Oct. 25, 2024 | |
| Today I showed up too late to extrapolate. | Oct. 18, 2024 | |
| Pedro-Woodrow. Yeah, that's the ticket. | Oct. 18, 2024 | |
| With politicians speaking in Colorado today, could be sighting of aurora bore all us. | Oct. 11, 2024 | |
| Hello Plaschke, my old friend. I've come to banter with you again. | Oct. 11, 2024 | Plaschke = Bill Plaschke, another panelist on the show |
| I'm polling way ahead in the state of confusion. | Oct. 3, 2024 | |
| In high school I was voted least likely to succeed. They were right. | Oct. 3, 2024 | |
| Emily & I agree the ampersand is a worthless symbol, eh. | Sep. 27, 2024 | Emily = Emily Kaplan, another panelist on the show |
| I'm selling two-bit coins. | Sep. 27, 2024 | |
| Text me when you get nowhere. | Sep. 18, 2024 | |
| I'm threatening myself for stupidity. | Sep. 18, 2024 | |
| I don't deserve being muted. | Aug. 28, 2024 | |
| ATH Chairman of the bored back. | Aug. 28, 2024 | |
| I'm not a common panelist. I'm a limited edition. | Jul. 2, 2024 | |
| Pluto no longer classified as a planet or a dog. | Jul. 2, 2024 | |
| \"Still haven't found what I'm looking for.\" Me too | Jun. 28, 2024 | |
| 78 is the new 18. | Jun. 28, 2024 | |
| Spent last three weeks as a minicamp counselor. | Jun. 20, 2024 | |
| I've been on double secret mission. Can't say where. Mahalo. | Jun. 20, 2024 | |
| I'm play scrabble; the others playing candy land. | May. 21, 2024 | |
| At the end of the day | May. 21, 2024 | |
| Why does butter have it's own compartment while ketchup must share? | May. 20, 2024 | |
| broken heart | May. 20, 2024 | [pic] |
| Producing podcast A.I. and AI - Allen Iverson and Artificial Intelligence. | May. 3, 2024 | |
| I can do without your attitude. I have one of my own. | May. 3, 2024 | |
| My 5th grade teacher taught you should think before speaking. I missed school that day. | Mar. 28, 2024 | |
| My brain tells me I'm 31. My body tells me I'm brainless. | Mar. 28, 2024 | |
| I'm auditioning to be superhero in movie "Cesspool." | Mar. 20, 2024 | |
| Antelopes love the TV show "Around the Pronghorn." | Mar. 20, 2024 | |
| On ATH I always extrapolate too late. | Mar. 5, 2024 | |
| I left a nap on a cozy couch for this? | Mar. 5, 2024 | |
| Just pretend I'm not here and you're not watching. | Feb. 28, 2024 | |
| Whenever Tony talks I thnk "hmmm" and stop thinking. | Feb. 28, 2024 | |
| Today is National Thinking Day, I think. | Feb. 22, 2024 | |
| I put the fun in dysfunctional. | Feb. 22, 2024 | |
| NFL has Swifties. NHL has Beliebers. Who wants the Paigers? | Feb. 7, 2024 | |
| Who should win today? Ramona, Dennis, Tim, Spongewood Squarepants? | Feb. 7, 2024 | |
| Fruita(co.) High School should nickname teams De Lumes. | Jan. 31, 2024 | |
| College football team should have deodorant as nickname. Roll on, state. | Jan. 31, 2024 | |
| Put nose on QR code | Jan. 25, 2024 | [pic] |
| This is not a drill. | Jan. 25, 2024 | [pic] |
| I speak two languages sarcasm and cynicism. | Jan. 17, 2024 | |
| I mistakenly got on the treadmill holding scissors. | Jan. 17, 2024 | |
| Installing mirrors is a job I could see myself doing. | Jan. 10, 2024 | |
| Making cuddly teddy bears is a job that I can wrap my arms around. | Jan. 10, 2024 | |
| Save your "Happy New Year" for next year or the year after. | Jan. 3, 2024 | |
| My favorite dinosaur is the Thesaurous. It was mean, nasty and rude. | Jan. 3, 2024 |