If you don’t like the news, go out and make some
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck
Bill: If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Note: Bill = Bill Plaschke, another panelist on the show

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
The Yoko club? Oh no.
The quarterback club? I’ll pass.
The Peter Pan Club? Never. Never.
Not all men are annoying, some are dead.

See no evil,
Hear no evil,
Date no evil.

Do they ever shut up on your planet Cowlishaw?

Note: Cowlishaw = Tim Cowlishaw, another panelist on the show

And your crybaby, whiny opinion would be what Tim?

Note: Tim = Tim Cowlishaw, another panelist on the show

It’s illegal to catch mice without a hunting license in Cleveland
The average human eats 8 spiders in his lifetime at night
The average chocolate bar has 8 insects’ legs in it
Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool
Where there’s a will, there’s a family fight over it
Give me 30 minutes and I’ll give you 5 of my best
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism
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