Woody’s Chalkboards

My parents moved, but wouldn’t tell me where

Bad combination: sleeping in the nude and sleep walking

My hair ignores me and your emails

I offer good opinions and false advertising

I’m not old enough to get muted

No good story starts with, “I was eating a salad when…”

Hey Pope Francis, do you want to come over and watch football?

"So I'm ugly. I never saw anyone hit with his face."
— Yogi Berra

"I never said most of the things I said."
— Yogi Berra

"I usually take a two-hour nap from 1 to 4."
— Yogi Berra

I saw a big fight at a seafood restaurant; three fish got battered

If I ignore my producer, is that considered freelancing?

Tony, let me speak, or the voices in my head will have to intervene

I used to think an ocean of soda existed, but I realized it was a fanta sea

Float like a bee. Sting also like a bee

I’m healthy, except for this persistent cough

I just bought some of pirate.com for a buck an ear

So tell me my happy place was condemned

When I’m in England my breakfast of choice is cheerios

I’ve been to the dentist; I know the drill

About Woody’s Chalkboard