Woody’s Chalkboards (2013)

Quip Date Note
Merry Christmas from the blackboard and him Dec. 24, 2013 [pic]
Be naughty. Save Santa the trip. Dec. 24, 2013
Eggnog. Hate the egg, love the nog. Dec. 24, 2013
A great idea came to me, but I wasn't home Dec. 20, 2013
For my next trick Cowlishaw will be eliminated Dec. 20, 2013
I write, therefore I'm right Dec. 20, 2013
Thank me. I'm welcome. Dec. 19, 2013
ATH team. Assemble Dec. 19, 2013
Where there's a will, I want to be in it. Dec. 13, 2013
If you can't speak, it's a mute point Dec. 13, 2013
I'm really board Dec. 11, 2013
I lost my watch. I don't have time for this Dec. 11, 2013
Should Reali stay in Bristol? Vote now Dec. 11, 2013 Reali = Tony Reali, the host of ATH
Mute me all you want. I'm learning sign language Dec. 9, 2013
I only answer voices in my head on Mondays Dec. 9, 2013
A Plaschke is derived from a square foot Dec. 9, 2013
Ah! The element of surprise Dec. 5, 2013 [pic]
My chalkboard is more famous than I am Dec. 5, 2013
I stole the iPhone 5, but I never faced time Dec. 5, 2013
If you say "gullible" slowly it sounds like "oranges" Dec. 3, 2013
I wanted to be frank today but he is taken Dec. 3, 2013
Everyday I'm Russell'in Dec. 3, 2013
My recliner and I go way back Nov. 25, 2013
Upgrade your weekend: take Monday off Nov. 25, 2013
Tom Brady is wicked smaht Nov. 25, 2013
Welcome to The Hunger Games give me a sandwich Nov. 21, 2013
I intend to live forever. So far, so good. Nov. 21, 2013
My opinions may change but not the fact that I am right Nov. 19, 2013
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. Nov. 19, 2013
If I gave you a dollar, would you buy a clue? Nov. 19, 2013
I used to be indecisive, now I am not sure Nov. 18, 2013
Nostalgia is not what it used to be Nov. 18, 2013
He who laughs last thinks slowest Nov. 18, 2013
This space for lease Nov. 15, 2013
I forgive Pablo for being wrong Nov. 15, 2013 Pablo = Pablo Torre, another panelist on the show
When nothing goes right, go left Nov. 7, 2013
To save time let's just assume I'm always right Nov. 7, 2013
I'd flex, but I like this jacket. Nov. 7, 2013
I say what everybody else is thinking Nov. 4, 2013
I have a good memory, it's just short. Nov. 4, 2013
Spare my time, not my feelings. Nov. 4, 2013
Keep calm and pet cats Nov. 1, 2013
I'm not crazy. I'm cat-like. Nov. 1, 2013
It's my cat's world. I'm just here to open cans. Nov. 1, 2013
Jerk-O-Lantern Oct. 31, 2013
Don't worry the zombies are looking for brains, you're safe. Oct. 31, 2013
A man's gotta brew what a man's gotta brew Oct. 25, 2013
If only closed minds came with closed mouths Oct. 25, 2013
It was me. I let the dogs out. Oct. 24, 2013
I know just enough to be dangerous Oct. 24, 2013
Do spiders have websites? Oct. 24, 2013
I'm so far over the hill I've started up the next one Oct. 22, 2013
Scars are like tattoos with better stories Oct. 22, 2013
I'm perfect. You adjust. Oct. 18, 2013
I'm like orange juice ***always concentrated*** Oct. 18, 2013
I've thought about running away more as an adult than as a child Oct. 18, 2013
Scary thought: I'm the smart one on this panel! Oct. 16, 2013
I'm right most of the time. I'm delusional for the rest of it. Oct. 16, 2013
You mean to tell me this is only 2% milk...what is the other 98%? Oct. 14, 2013
Don't go to places; make places come to you. Oct. 14, 2013
I'm not perfect, but I'm so close it's scary Oct. 11, 2013
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. Oct. 11, 2013
I'm as smooth as silk, as sincere as polyester Oct. 11, 2013
Take my advice; I don't use it anyway Oct. 9, 2013
I meant to behave, but there were too many other options Oct. 9, 2013
Unicorns? Just skinny rhinos... Oct. 9, 2013
Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I ever did. Oct. 8, 2013
Tony: My attitude is based on how many points you give me. Oct. 8, 2013 Tony = Tony Reali, the host of ATH.
If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had a puppy. Oct. 8, 2013
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket? Oct. 4, 2013
"LIFE" Oct. 4, 2013
This is a test Oct. 4, 2013
My wallet is always lonely. Sep. 30, 2013
My credit is so bad, they won't accept my cash. Sep. 30, 2013
Good credit = no problem Bad credit = no problem No credit = problem Sep. 30, 2013
I'm a stay-at-home son. Sep. 27, 2013
I was this close to being a cheese board, and now I am. Sep. 27, 2013
If 2 wrongs don't make a right, try 3! Sep. 26, 2013
Where do pencils live? (wait for it) Pennsylvania Sep. 26, 2013
If you wear gloves when you lift weights, make sure they match your purse. Sep. 26, 2013
'tude I got it Sep. 25, 2013
The attitude here gives me an edge each day on this show. Sep. 25, 2013
The altitude here gives me an edge each day on this show Sep. 25, 2013
Can't was defeated in the battle of try. Sep. 20, 2013
How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste! Sep. 20, 2013
I call my bathroom Jim. It sounds better when I say I went to the Jim. Sep. 20, 2013
I don't repeat gossip so listen up!!! Sep. 18, 2013
I would flex but I like this shirt. Sep. 18, 2013
I party like a rock star. A very poor rock star not in a band. Sep. 18, 2013
Celebrity Astrology: It's all about the stars. Sep. 11, 2013
Warning: If great minds think alike, then so do the dumb ones! Sep. 11, 2013
A computer once beat me at chess. But it was no match for me in kickboxing. Sep. 11, 2013
Activity does not mean productivity Sep. 9, 2013
I go through life in a big hamster ball...that's how I roll Sep. 9, 2013
I'm not listening, I'm waiting for you to finish talking. Sep. 9, 2013
About as swift as peanut butter coming out of a spray can. Sep. 6, 2013
If people could read my mind, I'd get punched in the face a lot. Sep. 6, 2013
What's the point of all the mute-iny Sep. 6, 2013
If winning was easy, losers would do it. Sep. 5, 2013
Don't judge me. I was born awesome, not perfect. Sep. 5, 2013
The difference between ignorance and indifference? I don't know and I don't care. Sep. 5, 2013
Once you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin! Sep. 3, 2013
Pilates? Oh, no. I thought you said "Pie and lattes" Sep. 3, 2013
Either you like bacon or you're wrong. Aug. 30, 2013
Let's eat Tim Aug. 30, 2013
I'd rather be seen than ob-seen Aug. 30, 2013
An apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough Aug. 28, 2013
Look left → You failed Aug. 28, 2013
Back by popular demand. Not by choice. Aug. 16, 2013
I entered ten puns in a contest to see which would win. No pun in ten did. Aug. 16, 2013
My friend has a trophy wife...it obviously wasn't first place Aug. 14, 2013
I'm old school since I had to repeat first grade Aug. 14, 2013
Being a vegetarian is a huge missed steak Aug. 12, 2013
Be brief no matter how long it takes. Aug. 12, 2013
I loved water polo until my horse drowned Aug. 12, 2013
I was watching commercials, and a football game broke out Aug. 9, 2013
I mustache you a question but I'll shave it for later Aug. 9, 2013
I'm the one who chalks Aug. 9, 2013
I can cook a mean bowl of cereal Aug. 7, 2013
A man who changes his decision hasn't made a decision Aug. 7, 2013
I spent an entire week there one day Aug. 6, 2013
I want to die young at an old age. Aug. 6, 2013
It's not a walkie talkie. It's a chalkie talkie. Aug. 6, 2013
Doing this show is like being a car's tailpipe: it's exhausting Aug. 5, 2013
A habitual liar lovers a habitual believer... Aug. 5, 2013
That last joke was a little cheesy. Aug. 2, 2013
I'll bring chips just in queso. Aug. 2, 2013
The last time Pablo was on the show, he wasn't old enough to rent a car. Aug. 1, 2013 Pablo = Pablo Torre, another panelist on the show
The last time I had a "facetime" you all were in high school Aug. 1, 2013
The last time I won showdown I was not eligible for social security. Aug. 1, 2013
Please tell me what to think Jul. 31, 2013
Tony spelled backwards is Y-NOT? Jul. 31, 2013
I can't read this without my glasses Jul. 31, 2013
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke Jul. 29, 2013
Chalkboard The original search engine Jul. 29, 2013
Half empty or half full. Either way, I still need more. Jul. 29, 2013
I once ran a marathon because it was on my way. Jul. 25, 2013
The next word you say is no? Yes or no? Jul. 25, 2013
I'm using performance enhancing chalk today. Jul. 25, 2013
I'm with cupid Jul. 24, 2013
Reali + Paige = Mute Jul. 24, 2013
I can't complain that nobody listens to me... Jul. 24, 2013
Life: The longest short story. Jul. 23, 2013
My breath is what woke me up this morning. Jul. 23, 2013
Today's Specials Jul. 23, 2013
Try to think of a color you have never seen before. Jul. 16, 2013
Before there were cell phones: Jul. 16, 2013 [pic]
Before there was Twitter, there was the chalkboard. Jul. 16, 2013
I only eat organic food, unless I don't. Jul. 15, 2013
You can read my like a Kindle. Jul. 15, 2013
A chalkboard is just a woody page. Jul. 15, 2013
I'm good from afar, but far from agood. Jul. 11, 2013
Frankly, autocorrect, I'm getting a bit tired of your shirt. Jul. 11, 2013
I'm going to stop putting things off until tomorrow, starting tomorrow Jul. 11, 2013
The early bird gets the buffet. Jul. 9, 2013
This chalkboard is gluten-free Jul. 9, 2013
What do you mean my birth certificate expired? Jul. 8, 2013
It is always important to plan ah Jul. 8, 2013
2 peanuts walk into a bar...1 was a-salted. Jul. 8, 2013
Bird of a feather flock together, to poop on your car. Jul. 3, 2013
Don't listen to me, read the board. Jul. 3, 2013
I have the smartest teacher...I'm self-taught Jul. 3, 2013
PTI: Where 2 bald men fight over a comb. Jul. 2, 2013 PTI = Pardon The Interruption, the show that follows ATH.
My hamster died today. He fell asleep at the wheel. Jul. 2, 2013
You're cordially invited...to leave at anytime. Jun. 28, 2013
Tony certainly knows what I'm chalking about. Jun. 28, 2013 Tony = Tony Reali, the host of ATH.
I bet you 5,000 points I can beat Jackie today. Jun. 28, 2013 Jackie = Jackie MacMullan, another panelist on the show, who started the show with -500 points.
Don't you know who I think I am? Jun. 27, 2013
I'd be honest with you, but I rather be friends. Jun. 27, 2013
I don't always write on a chalkboard, but when I do, it's awesome! Jun. 27, 2013
Of all the chalkboards I own, this is my favorite. Jun. 25, 2013
Sometimes, I lose on purpose just to make others feel better. Jun. 25, 2013
So I can write anything here, and you'll put it on TV? Jun. 25, 2013
I'll forget more than you'll never know. Jun. 17, 2013
You can crush chalk, but not my dreams. Jun. 17, 2013
I have a strange feeling I'm being watched right now. Jun. 17, 2013
If I have to use facts, you're gonna be in real trouble. Jun. 12, 2013
I've got nothing to say. All the good quotes have already been taken. Jun. 12, 2013
I came. I saw. I lost. Jun. 10, 2013
I got love for sale...for a limited time. Jun. 10, 2013
My wallet is like an onion, when I open it, it makes me cry. Jun. 10, 2013
Mutes last for seconds, but blackboards last forever! Jun. 6, 2013
My chalkboard has never been hacked. Jun. 6, 2013
I play microwave golf. 18 holes in just 8 minutes. Jun. 6, 2013
A goal is a dream with a deadline. Jun. 5, 2013
Do not read the next sentence. You little rebel, I like you. Jun. 5, 2013
I hate this donut, oh, wait. It's a bagel. Jun. 5, 2013
Stick around, I may need somebody to blame. Jun. 3, 2013
Do not trust atoms, they make up everything Jun. 3, 2013
I didn't lie. The truth changed. May. 30, 2013
If you can't stand the heat, move to Cleveland May. 30, 2013
If you were thinking, you wouldn't have thought that. May. 30, 2013
Save some hope for the hopeless. May. 28, 2013
I make a terrible optimist. May. 28, 2013
Don't read me while Woody is talking. May. 28, 2013
Shows = 1,991 Wins = 444 Mutes = 39,820, May. 23, 2013
You say tomato, Snoop says Tom Izzo. May. 23, 2013
For as long as I can remember, I've had memories. May. 22, 2013
I'm not here for a long time, just a good time. May. 22, 2013
Stay Tuned Woody is going to do the showdown blindfolded! May. 22, 2013
Do Transformers get car insurance or life insurance? May. 20, 2013
Warning: Objects in plasma #2 may be smarter than they appear. May. 20, 2013
Spaceship crashed. Need money for parts to get home. May. 20, 2013
It's bad luck to be superstitious May. 16, 2013
If you think you know more than me, you obviously don't. May. 16, 2013
I should've been a finance major. Me + you = me May. 16, 2013
Unlawful mathematicians go to prism. May. 13, 2013
Go ahead, mute my day! May. 13, 2013
I'm busy working hard at doing nothing May. 13, 2013
If it wasn't for tomorrow, I'd have no future. May. 10, 2013
I'm awesome because I'm humble May. 10, 2013
I knew Cowlishaw when he was bottom cat May. 9, 2013 Cowlishaw = Tim Cowlishaw, another panelist on ATH.
I knew Jemele when she wasn't a diva. May. 9, 2013 Jemele = Jemele Hill, another panelist on ATH.
Why does Izzy's right shoulder slump? May. 9, 2013 Izzy = Isreal Gutierrez, another panelist on ATH.
This is not a drill. This is a chalkboard. May. 7, 2013
I had a frog, but it croaked. May. 7, 2013
I can always tell when they are using fake dinosaurs in movies. May. 7, 2013
Be kind to dentists. They have fillings, too. May. 3, 2013
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. May. 3, 2013
I was addicted to soap once, but now I'm clean. May. 3, 2013
I've sequestered my soul. May. 1, 2013
Why is my cat quiet as a mouse? May. 1, 2013
Grey or gray? The answer is yes May. 1, 2013
Buy 2 and get both! Apr. 29, 2013
Every time I see you there you are. Apr. 29, 2013
I work out. Just kidding, I take naps. Apr. 29, 2013
Skim milk is water that is lying about being milk. Apr. 24, 2013
Ask me about my vow of silence. Apr. 24, 2013
I'm right most of the time. I'm delusional the other 92% of the time. Apr. 23, 2013
Every book you have is just a different combination of 26 letters. Apr. 23, 2013
Someone's got a secret admirer! Not you, though. Apr. 23, 2013
Why do noses run and feet smell? Apr. 19, 2013
When nothing goes right, go left. Apr. 19, 2013
They say I'm the master of suspense because Apr. 19, 2013
Anyone caught exiting thru this door will be asked to leave. Apr. 17, 2013
I'm like juice: always concentrated. Apr. 17, 2013
When does love mean nothing at all? In Tennis. Apr. 17, 2013
Me and my recliner go wayyyy back Apr. 16, 2013
I write. Therefore I'm right. Apr. 8, 2013
In a game of lost and found, I lost. Apr. 8, 2013
I DVR ATH so I can mute Tony when I get home. Apr. 8, 2013
My envelope business failed because I mailed it in. Apr. 5, 2013
Hear about the circus fire? It was in-tents. Apr. 5, 2013
I had an aquarium business but it tanked. Apr. 5, 2013
If 2 wrongs don't make a right, try 3! Apr. 3, 2013
My lamp is a smart one, it has a bright future. Apr. 3, 2013
Procrastination pie chart Apr. 3, 2013
The dogs let themselves out. Apr. 2, 2013
Kill the clock while you still have time. Apr. 2, 2013
When it rains and it's sunny, I have mixed emotions. Apr. 2, 2013
If I don't see you before Easter, I'll see you at the Peeps show. Mar. 27, 2013
If I don't see you before Easter, hide the eggs. Mar. 27, 2013
I'd say I'm happy to be here, but why lie? Mar. 25, 2013
Can't was defeated in the battle of try. Mar. 25, 2013
ESPN's fantasy team ruined my brackets. --Thanks Mar. 25, 2013
Celebrity astrology; it's all about the stars. Mar. 19, 2013
Rectangles: Angles that text and drive. Mar. 19, 2013
I've got fingers on my blisters. Mar. 18, 2013
I love my job. It's the work that I hate. Mar. 18, 2013
This is a good bagel. Probably because it's a donut. Mar. 18, 2013
I'd make a terrible pessimist. Mar. 15, 2013
Their. There. They're not the same. Mar. 15, 2013
What's the point of all this mute-iny? Mar. 15, 2013
Their are to meny badd spelers in the wurld. Mar. 13, 2013 (on a personal note, my OCD is going crazy!)
If winning was easy, losers would do it. Mar. 13, 2013
Don't just do something, stand there. Mar. 13, 2013
My chalk turns green when I'm about to win. Mar. 8, 2013
My chalk turns red when I'm in love. Mar. 8, 2013
My chalk turns blue when I'm cold. Mar. 8, 2013
I'd rather be seen than viewed. Mar. 7, 2013
I never finish any Mar. 7, 2013
When I grow up, I want to be just like Tony. Feb. 28, 2013 Tony = Tony Reali, the host of ATH.
I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you. Feb. 28, 2013
BEWARE: Facts and reasons may appear without warning! Feb. 27, 2013
SARCASM: Because arguing with these jokers is boring. Feb. 27, 2013
Laptops and projectors have nothing on chalkboards. Feb. 27, 2013
I speak 3 different languages: English, sports, and swearing. Feb. 25, 2013
Reali never gets a point. Feb. 25, 2013 Reali = Tony Reali, the host of ATH.
Sometimes I wish I were you... so I could be friends with me. Feb. 25, 2013
If time was on my side, it would always be happy hour. Feb. 22, 2013
If you think people don't care about you, try missing a payment. Feb. 22, 2013
33% of the mutes on this show are accidents. Feb. 20, 2013
87% of short putts don't go in the cup. Feb. 20, 2013
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Feb. 20, 2013
If I were two faced, would I be wearing this one? Feb. 18, 2013
The chalkboard never lies* Feb. 18, 2013
I used Tony's razor this morning since he doesn't use it anymore. Feb. 18, 2013 Tony = Tony Reali, the host of ATH.
The more you talk, the more my opinion matters. Feb. 15, 2013
Back by popular demand, not by choice. Feb. 15, 2013
If you want my attention pay me. Feb. 13, 2013
I was framed! --Chalk Feb. 13, 2013
The city of happiness is in the state of mind. Feb. 13, 2013
I taught you everything I know, and you still know nothing. Feb. 8, 2013
If you can't speak, it's a mute point. Feb. 8, 2013
Now serving deli guest #23 Feb. 8, 2013
Private sign Please only look, don't read. Feb. 6, 2013
I could describe apathy, but I'd rather not. Feb. 6, 2013
You're so ugly you make onions cry. Feb. 5, 2013
Never eat anything you can't pronounce. Feb. 5, 2013
I can't cook. I use a smoke alarm as a timer. Feb. 5, 2013
Ol' man river old man Paige Feb. 1, 2013
Pelican chalkboard can't Feb. 1, 2013
Show me your chalk Feb. 1, 2013
About all I can make is a bag of chips open. Jan. 28, 2013
All of my secrets are well known. Jan. 28, 2013
Stop, drop and cinnamon roll! Jan. 28, 2013
Did you see the new pirate movie? It's rated arrr Jan. 25, 2013
I speak fluent sarcasm. Jan. 25, 2013
Every now and then, I wish it was then instead of now. Jan. 23, 2013
I can't believe I lost my watch, I don't have time for this! Jan. 23, 2013
How deep in the Grand Canyon? Jan. 22, 2013
I'm lip-synching my answers today. Jan. 22, 2013
Procrastinators Unite! Tomorrow! Jan. 22, 2013
If it weren't for people, there wouldn't be anybody. Jan. 18, 2013
I was going to draw a circle, but there's just no point. Jan. 18, 2013
I have a good knock knock joke, you start. Jan. 18, 2013
Why is the pizza box square, when the pizza is round? Jan. 16, 2013
Keep it stupid simple Jan. 16, 2013
In general, I don't joke about the military. Jan. 16, 2013
Ain't nobody got time for this. Jan. 11, 2013
If practice makes perfect and nobody's perfect, why practice? Jan. 11, 2013
You can't mute the chalk! Jan. 11, 2013
Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see. Jan. 9, 2013
I don't know how much oil is left, just use olive it. Jan. 9, 2013
He who follows the beaten path seldom gets lost. Jan. 9, 2013
3.14% of sailors are pi rates Jan. 7, 2013
The tree doesn't fall very far from the apple. Jan. 7, 2013
If Monday had a face, I would punch it Jan. 7, 2013
< this space for rent > Jan. 4, 2013
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide. Jan. 4, 2013
I leave my mind at home so I don't lose it at work. Jan. 4, 2013
A bowl game a day keeps a playoff away! Jan. 2, 2013
Object on screen may be smarter than he appears. Jan. 2, 2013
Alright everybody, line up alphabetically according to height. Jan. 2, 2013