Woody’s Chalkboards

I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.

I’ve got a problem for your solution.

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

I don’t like me, either.

Imagine there were no hypothetical situations.

Two horses in a man costume.

Spoiler alert: Cowlishaw is first cut.

Note: Cowlishaw = Tim Cowlishaw, another panelist on the show. Woody was first cut.

The noblest of dogs is the hot dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.

Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.

I keep hitting “escape”, but I’m still here.

Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business again.

The next time you think you’re perfect, try walking on water.

I’m not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.

Don’t play stupid with me…I’m better at it.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies, are the main reason I have trust issues.

Time is precious… waste it wisely!

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