Woody’s Chalkboards

Mother said there would be days like this, but she didn’t say there would be a decade

I like to leave messages before the beep

I talk to myself a lot, and it bothers other people because I use a megaphone

Not afraid of heights; afraid of widths

How come “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?

Eat 1 live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day

I have a map of the U.S. that's life-sized
1 mile = 1 mile

I used to be a proofreader for a skywriting company

He lost a button hole

Note: Arrow pointing at Woody.

The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist

When I put my ear to a conch shell, I hear ATH

I have a large seashell collection, which I keep on beaches all over the world

Money doesn’t talk; it goes without saying

Judge:
A law student who marks his own papers

Legend:
A lie that has the dignity of age

Historian: An unsuccessful novelist

That’s a nice suit Tony. Who shines it for you?

Note: Tony = Tony Reali, the host of ATH.

If stupidity was music, I’d be a one man band

National Sarcasm Society: Like we need your support

98% of the time I’m right. Why worry about the other half?

About Woody’s Chalkboard