My favorite times of every day, hands down, are 6:30
It’s unfair that you can mute me with your remote, too
I’ve always wanted to be a monk, but got no chance
I’ve just been voted to Hall of Mediocre (unanimously)
Kindergarten cop got me for resisting a rest
I miss NFL Runnerup Bowl. Titans-Packers? Who you got?
Should I talk about sodium today? Na
Math wiz daughter explained infinity to me. She went on forever
I prefer monorails. I have a one-track mind
When Tony speaks Akkadian, he does like to Babylon
Tony asked to imitate flamingo today, but I put my foot down
I fell into upholstery machine, but I’m recovered
Want to start pro hide-and-seek league, but good players are tough to find
I just bought rare 17th century painting. I’m baroque

My 2020 Goal:
fewer mutes,
more cowbell

Pay no attention to closed-captioning. Misquotes me
I’ve been nice this year Santa. Viewers might disagree
Seems like I’m roasting on an open fire today
My favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills
Man in “15 Items Or Less” lane has 32. Math major? Harvard graduate?
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