“I” before “E” is wierd
The heart’s purpose is to pump blood, not to care about a football team’s loss
The voices in my head talk to each other, not to me
I have invented the hair fryer. No oil. Only problem is sticking my head in it
I’ve never missed a field goal or a penalty call

Paige. Drow Paige.
No time to diet

I am a

My friend bet me $5 I wouldn’t wear this shirt today on TV
I once dated Mona Lisa. Made her smile
Alexa, tell me the numbers that will win Powerball this week
Follow me on Twitter. I know a shortcut
I didn’t go to gym today for the 14,863rd straight day

Note: 14,863 days = 40+ years

Do we really need directions on shampoo bottle?
In elementary school I was voted most likely to not go to high school

Candy corn and spam have same expiration.

I will be holding fundraiser while in line at gas pump
Over 5,000 chalkboards served
This is my 2,800th ATH. What a waste of a promising life
I told my dentist “You can’t handle the tooth”
Panel, let’s tank so Tim can get mercy win for No. 500

Note: Tim = Tim Cowlishaw, another panelist on the show

Page: 3 of 221