I’m allowed to by hypocritical, but you’re not

Who invented the asterisk?
Aristarchus*
*Me

“I” before “E” except after “C”. Scientists disagree
I thought about cutting my sodium intake but I was like, na
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do
I am the most humble guy you’ll ever meet
I said, “Hey Alexa” to Siri, but she’s giving me the silent treatment
I, for I, like roman numerals
I’d rather spend the day in Strawberry Fields than on Penny Lane
A bad analogy is like a bad analogy
Happy Thanksgiving turkeys
Please hand me a stick

[pic]

I like to break my Reece’s pieces into real pieces
I like to break my Reece’s pieces into real pieces
Can’t ATH afford a chair for Reali?

Note: Reali = Tony Reali, the host of ATH. The new ATH set has Reali standing and walking around

The door is ajar. The jar is never adoor
My origami startup folded
I needed a xray on my wrist. Couldn’t get into hospital, so went to airport
Don’t you despise someone who answers his own questions? I do
Nothing makes me happier than winning ATH. I always get nothing
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