Woody’s Chalkboards

I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can remember

I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them

Spent 25 minutes looking for my phone in car, using flashlight on my phone

Anagram for Woody Paige is aged poi yow.
Hawaiian dish

My daughter introduces me as her friend’s grandfather

I don’t have an expiration date on my body. Don’t know if that’s good or bad

There’s no “I” in denial

Records made to be broken. 1,935 losses on ATH never will be, sadly

The center of the universe has been discovered. I am it

Just tried to do a cartwheel. I’ts not like riding a bike

Note: "I'ts" [sic]

Every time I find the key to success, someone changes the lock

One of the best things about being forgetful is

Still waiting patiently for the wisdom that supposedly comes with old age

I got my friend an elephant for his room. He said, “Thanks.” I said, “Don’t mention it”

I buy organic vegetables, but when I get home they’re donuts

If your dog barks during ATH, tell him to roll over and play Pablo

@tylerkkelemen: MJ played against ice cream truck drivers and plumbers

@tylerjkelemen Tom Brady is a system quarterback

I bet you $407.89 you can’t guess how much I owe my bookie

I will win I will win
I will win I will win
I will win I will win
I will win I will win
I will win I will win
I will win I will win

About Woody’s Chalkboard