Procrastination is a good thing. You’ll always have something to do tomorrow and nothing to do today
The only thing flat-earthers fear is sphere itself

I avoid clichés like the plague with every fiber of my being

People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome
What do you get when you mix a rhetorical question with a joke?

Don’t underestimate me…
unless you’re trying to guess my age or weight

Not only am I the master of suspsense, but I

There are two types of people in this world:

  1. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data
Thoughts and prayers to all those effected by the tragedy in Las Vegas

Paisley Thursday is back by despite popular demand

Shoutout Winners: @notfamouskyle'swife @ericstenske @hakeemfiz

I tried to change my password to beef_stew, but it wasn’t stroganoff
I ate a shepard’s pie for lunch. He was very upset about it.
That’s not lint on my coat…well, maybe some
I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers because I can always count on them
I wish more people were at a loss for words
I was hooked on auctions after only going once…going twice
Don’t forget, tonight, the Moon will be visable from Earth. The last time this happened was last night.
Shot 79 in gold yesterday. Improved my lie. Said I shot 71.
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