Woody’s Chalkboards

I had jury duty yesterday. I was eliminated after the opening argument.

It’s always darkest before the dawn, so if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s paper, that’s the time to do it

This is a great day to be a frog

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you

Give me ambiguity or give me something else

I’m not arguing with you. I’m just explaining why I’m right.

All of my friends say I’m sweeter than 3.1416

Shakespeare's hardest decision was which pencil to use
2B or not 2B?

I before E...
except when you run a feisty heist in a weird foreign neighborhood

If you ever question my intelligence, just remember there was no Google when I was in school

My fake plants are dead. I wish I would have pretended to water them.

Forget Rice-a-Roni; I’m the San Francisco treat

Not my last rodeo, but my last media bus ride

If the Panthers win, I’ll spend the night in Alcatraz

If the Broncos win, I’m painting the Golden Gate Bridge orange.

I’m setting up a table at interview night. Meeting is 25 cents

Tomorrow I’m escaping into Alcatraz

Camping is all in tents and purposes outside

Bill, the book I got you for Christmas is due back at the library today

Note: Bill = Bill Plaschke, another panelist on the show

Hedgehogs are rude. They never share the hedge.

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