A bizarre bazaar is a strange place to shop
Reali sits on paper towels. Mute me on the bounty.

Note: Reali = Tony Reali, the host of ATH.

Loading an online shopping cart with $1.4 billion worth of random stuff takes a long time
Always give 100 percent. Unless you’re donating blood.
My accupuncturist always gets the jab well done

Note: accupuncturist [sic]

Do lobster cops use rubber bands instead of handcuffs?
The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. Every winner has been from Earth
When in doubt I mumble and hope not to get muted
We all know babies come from storks, but do the heavier ones come from cranes?

Auld Lang Syne
confusing people since 1787

May all of your worries last as long as your new years resolutions

Conclusion:
The part of the paper when you get tired of thinking

Today’s hairstyle is called “I tried, but failed”

An upside down poet writes inverse

If you order cottage cheese for dinner, do you order off the la curd menu
It’s still stationary no matter how far you push the envelope
The septic tank failed at the sausage shop. It was the wurst smell ever.
I’d tell you a joke about air conditioners, but you’re probably not a fan
Sloppy grey hair is better than slicked back hair or no hair
Sir Cumference was the most well rounded knight at Arthur’s round table
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