I kissed Katy Perry and I didn’t like it
Instead of beast mode, hawks went bust mode
Last night I hugged a cactus
Now we know what it means when Tom Brady airs one out
In AZ 3 days made a rash decision, bought Calamine lotion
A foiled master plan

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Job Application
In case of emergency contact: doctor

HELP WANTED

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-- Ball deflator
-- Greater Glendale area
-- Must be available February 1, 2015

</p>

Man, what a deflating loss for the Colts!

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My pet chameleon

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Pillow fight champion featherweight division
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

What do you get when you cross Oregon & Ohio State?
A duckeye or a buckduck

Monday Special
Free shrugs for Frank Isola

Note: Frank Isola is another panelist on the show

Plateau’s. The highest form of flattery.
For Pete’s sake, who’s Pete Sake?

"I shrunk because I was in a pool of grease."
-- Bacon

Something between us smells

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My New Year's resolution:
500 wins. It starts today

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