Woody’s Chalkboards

The best part about writing a book is the book parties

Alarm Clocks for Sale
Buy one. You will sleep soundly

Today's Motto
It's not important to win. It's only important that Frank loses

Note: Frank = Frank Isola, another panelist on the show.

Man, I am old. The candles for my birthday cake cost more than the cake itself.

When one door closes, another should open. If not, go through the window

Those who snore always fall asleep first

Why do they call it a pair of pants when there is only one?

A penny saved is ridiculous

I know you can't tell, but I laugh at my own jokes
-- Chalkboard

My biggest pet peeve? Ironically it's nails on a chalkboard
-- Chalkboard

Any available whiteboard out there? I got a plus-one invite to the Oscars

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

Iv’e decided to be more decisive…but maybe not

This chalkboard available for A-Rod’s next apology

Any whiteboard's out there need a valentine?
-- Chalkboard

Note: whiteboard's [sic] [pic]

Happy Friday the 13th!
Jason likes this

Can you believe I've been with him 13 years and never won employee of the month?
-- Chalkboard

I love rehearsal dinners. I rarely get to practice my meals before I eat them.

Never ask a podiatrist for conversions to metric. They only know feet.

My pizza jokes can’t be topped

About Woody’s Chalkboard