Woody’s Chalkboards

33% of the mutes on this show are accidents.

87% of short putts don’t go in the cup.

You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

If I were two faced, would I be wearing this one?

The chalkboard never lies*

I used Tony’s razor this morning since he doesn’t use it anymore.

Note: Tony = Tony Reali, the host of ATH.

The more you talk, the more my opinion matters.

Back by popular demand, not by choice.

If you want my attention pay me.

I was framed!

--Chalk

The city of happiness is in the state of mind.

I taught you everything I know, and you still know nothing.

If you can’t speak, it’s a mute point.

Now serving deli guest #23

Private Sign
Please only look, don't read.

I could describe apathy, but I’d rather not.

You’re so ugly you make onions cry.

Never eat anything you can’t pronounce.

I can’t cook. I use a smoke alarm as a timer.

Ol' man river
old man Paige

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