Life is not a cabaret. It’s a dive bar.

Note: During the introduction, Woody claimed he would shave his beard if he could make it through the show without a mute. Tony immediately muted him.

I’m not as dumb as you look Tony

Note: Tony = Tony Reali, the host of ATH.

It is sad to grow old but nice to ripen
I’m not a rocket surgeon

Note: During the opening, he revised his previous day's statement and declared that he would shave if Tony let him win once.

Abe Lincoln of ATH?
End of decade but not end of decadence
Resolution: No mutes in 2010

Note: During the introductions, Woody claimed he would not comb or shave until he won again. After the introductions, when asked about it, he claimed he would not comb or shave until he wins two in a row. (he sort of looks like an older Jim Gaffigan to me) [pic]

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions!
A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other
Mariotti is the head elf

Note: Mariotti = Jay Mariotti, another panelist on the show.

Quip: Dear Santa,
I can explain...

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobics

Fish and Christmas visitors smell in 3 days
Santa Claus has the right idea—visit people only once a year
An xmas shopper’s complaint is one that’s long-standing
Xmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money
Xmas is a time when you get homesick, even when you’re home
One thing I can give and still keep: My word
I should keep my words soft and sweet in case I have to eat them
Two words: show cowdown
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