Woody’s Chalkboards

If love isn’t a game, then why are there so many players?

The two most common elements on this show are hydrogen and stupidity

My homework is like a steak—rare and never well done

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them

Research is what I’m doing when I don’t know what I’m doing

Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear

I'm not into working out.
My philosophy:
No pain
No pain

Food is an important part of a balanced diet

More lightning round please

Dust is a protective coating for fine furniture

This is not an optical illusion, it only looks like one

Today’s Show: 30 Rack

Please, let me prove that winning the lottery won’t spoil me.

Don’t eat clowns. They taste funny.

The future will be better tomorrow

If you can’t imitate him, don’t copy him.

Note: From the great Yogi Berra.

I was not lying. I said things that later on seemed to be untrue.

Solutions are not the answer

I think that will take much longer than I think it will

I can handle criticism so long as it isn’t about me

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