Woody’s Chalkboards

I must do a butter job on my diet

I feel inhibited because I think people are watching me

Summary of my life: Ctrl-Alt-Del

Chase is inevitable. I have a drawer full of pennies and dimes

Sometimes I feel stupid. Then I listen to Stugotz

Note: Stugotz is another panelist on the show

I keep clicking the space bar, but, sadly, I’m still on Earth

I don’t follow instructions. I didn’t come here to read

I dreamed I had insomnia. Woke up and couldn’t sleep

Colorado has been voted fifth best state. Need a clue why?

I’m trying to find “ATH - The Lost Episodes”

My studio is the size of a water closet. Without a toilet

I keep my friends close, Reali in New York

Note: Reali = Tony Reali, the host of ATH

Stand by for my exit velocity

I have a new launch angle to try on Tony

Note: Tony = Tony Reali, the host of ATH

If a stranger sits next to you, say: “Did you bring the money?”

I always thought it would take a lot longer to get to 73

I asked a bank clerk to check my balance. He pushed me over

In my defense I was left unsupervised as a child

My grocery list today:

It’s not a sport if you ride in a cart, drink, eat, smoke and lie about your score

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